Posted by willyee on February 23, 2005, at 22:27:45
After i started parnate years ago,i always had issue with it,but there was always the anti-depressant effect around somewhere,i might have to bear a few bad days,but it came ,i also remember i never had excruciating depression on parnate....even if i felt horrabl the med seemed to blcok emotions,not my personality,just emotions to where pain wasnt bad.
This year though it has gotten worse and worse.....i have approached this in many ways....i forst took parnate alone,in varying doses,this was the most unrespondent method.
I then slowly attemtped augmentation ,although never achieving a full anti-depressant effect this method gave me so fair days and even allowed me to work in a fast pace high stressful job.Mind u not easly.
BUT no matter what i used to augment,no matter how suvccessful,it pooped,i found myself cycling augmentors .
Im at the point now where i wake up,look at the parnate on the table and shake my head,i dont wanna take em i never know what is gonna happen,if its gonna work or send me to my bed after a million smoked cigarettes.
I remember i had a personal thing where parnate for some reason made me want to go to a locla rec,where im alone,and have a big room to mylsef,turn on the tv,and shoot pool and relax,doesent sound like much but it was nice.
Now my parnate at best has me running around,giving me the energy to act on my obessive tendencys,my car is literaly spotless,and i wear myself down doing things.
When i stop i feel like im going mad.This or bed ridden and PO off is the two results.
More so at times i feel as if they are m*ms,i literaly feel nothing,people talk of diet scare,ill take 30 mg and 30 min later i could very well have taken nothing,or placebo,diet is no worry at all,i dont even feel the med its like it absorbed like a sponge.
I never felt like this before as far as loosing control,nothing is helping me,nothing,and personaly i feel i h ave some of the most effective augmentors there are......klonopin....lopressor a beta blocker....and ghb....sometimes l-theanine.
I use these t augment carefully,but nothing.Even the one noted there that alone is infamous for euphoria and i used to ocassionaly use recreational cant break my mood.
I dont know what to do,i get parnate on a free plan,so i cant afford any new medication,plus honestly looking over various places i would not even have a medication id be willing to try,nothing sounds promising,nardil would have if id not been down that road.
I guess this is just a vent,but its getting frustrating and scary,ive totaly isolated myself,and sometime si spend the enitre day taking various drugs to stay up and fucntioning,i feel like a junkie.Ironic since i have to watch in envy when i visit my bro and see him enjoy a beer.
My ocd has one good side,although i feel mentally in loosing it,my billls are kept up to date,my personal responabilites also,and i since im alone most of the day i work out constantly so its nice my body is building muscle cause if it looked like i felt forget about it.
Well thanks for the ear,i dont think there are any suggestions but feel free to drop any.....i need to gain some type of stability i am a total loose canon now.
The options i have now are to get the new sleep drug since i never used a sleep aid and never slept properly,maybe this will help....second to augmentors im intetersted in is liquid deprenyl which ive used before,and amitrypline,i cant spell it but its the old tca,thats it.
P.S As a side not i do not believe excersise helps anxiety,maybe mild excersise,but for me it increases my heart rate,pumps fireace adrenaline and worsens it,i try to do my workouts early in the morning to get them out of the way so as not to interfere with any progress i might have,which it certainly has before
poster:willyee
thread:462506
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050222/msgs/462506.html