Posted by alienatari on February 19, 2005, at 7:36:54
In reply to hospital stays, posted by nicki on February 18, 2005, at 18:00:02
I am sure that not everyone has a bad experience when they are in hospital but I sure did.
Ive been in hospital twice now, both private hospitals which are considered to be a lot better than public ones.
Anyway I had a hell of a time. I was manic (stupid new psychatrist in the hospital took me off Depakote and the antipsychotic i was on) and that just got worse. I was euphoric though, I wasnt agressive at all I was just playing around and not being too serious. Anyway, in group therapy it ended up being everyone telling me off in the group. I had made a couple of friends though, and one guy was saying things like "i feel sorry for you everyones picking on you" anyway it wasnt fun but I didnt just sit back and take the abuse I had massive arguments with one of the girls, and this is what everyone in the group was yelling at me for. I changed on the board when no one was in the room to where it said "symptoms of depression: dry mouth" i changed mouth to "anus". I just cant believe how enraged people got from this. Out of the group one guy came up to me and said something of the likes that he was going to bash me up or do something to me. I told the psych nurses and I was assured I would be safe. Yea right! Whenever I talked in group therapy I was screamed at by other people, such as one time when we were talking about antidepressants and I said I have tried so many I dont believe they actually work (hey I was studying psychology at the time too and a lot of psych reports state that antidepressants work no better than placebo, whether its true or not I firmly believed it at the time because nothing had worked) and this girl in the group went off and starting screaming at me. Even the "psychologist", who obviously had minimal drug training, was saying how that It was just because I havent found the right one and they do work. How does that work? Ive taken almost every drug on the market in the country I live in. Im only left with Nardil and imipramine.
Anyway I got sick of this, I left. They gave me a sheet of paper asking for my local doc to perscribe me benzo's. I was manic at the time mind you so I went dr shopping, got so many benzo's and was eating them like lollies. Got addicted to them, did some really strange things like trying to live on the streets because it was the "right" thing to do. I thought God was talking to me and telling me to change religions so i did that and I also legally changed my name (which my psych got voided thank God), but over this time peroid I can barely remember anything. Its very fragmented and I have to rely on what other people tell me how I was like. I guess this is because of all the benzo's I was taking. Saw my old psych again, got weaned off them and put on a mood stabalizer and an antipsychotic (my mania turned into psychosis at that point). Anyway, It took me so long to recover from this experience. And the things I did when I was manic I am not proud of. I put my family through hell with worry and It could have been avoided if the stupid pdoc in the hospital would have known better. But I still do take responsibility for my actions. Anyway, It still makes me angry. And this was a private hospital, the public ones are much worse (I know quite a few people that have been in them, including 3 family members and 2 close friends).BUT, I know people who have had good experiences in hospital. I just know I will try my hardest to never EVER end up in a psychatric hospital again.
Take care and sorry for the long post.
poster:alienatari
thread:460100
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050217/msgs/460274.html