Posted by Nimrod on January 31, 2005, at 8:20:10
If I can. I'm going to try very hard.
I posted in the newbies section the other day. I don't know if this is how things should be done here, but here's a link. It more or less describes my mental and physical symptoms.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/newbs/20041227/msgs/449699.html
I can't stop shaking today. My whole body is out of my control. My left eye is spasming so bad it's almost closed. I can barely walk. The fear is so bad I don't know what to do. I believe I am officially out of work now. I have nowhere to go. I may be homeless very soon, as there is no one I can stay with.
I have no money and no health insurance, but I'm going to the hospital anyway. The emergency room if I have to. I'll walk or call 911 if I have to. I'm going to be running from debt anyway, one more isn't going to matter. I don't know if anyone will be able to help or will even care to try. This world hates people without money, we are constantly punished for not having it. But if I don't get some kind of help I'm not going to make it.
I didn't used to be this way. I'm an accountant. I work in offices in positions of high responsibility. My concentration and retention used to be well above average. Creativity and problem solving were my strong points. I was just a little depressed. Now my body and mind are completely out of my control. I'm a bystander now, I'm trapped inside.
I don't know if I need medication, surgery, a priest, a witch-doctor, 30 sleeping pills, or what. I don't want to die, I don't want to be homeless, I don't want anyone to take care of me - I want to be just nice and depressed and functional like I used to be.
I need to know what the hell happened to me to make me this way. Maybe I'm making it all up and don't realize it. I'm ruling out nothing.
Wish me luck today, if you will.
poster:Nimrod
thread:450483
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050128/msgs/450483.html