Posted by johnsmith12345 on January 12, 2005, at 3:19:44
Summary:
I have had severe depression for the past four years, apparently (but not definitely) brought on by high, chronic doses of the supplement 5-HTP combined with Saint John's Wort. Before it I very much enjoyed taking drugs such as marijuana and painkillers. Now, they make me feel much worse, at all points during and after the ingestion of the drug. Is this common?
Details:
I will not go into details about the cause of the depression, because the story is too long and boring. All I will say is that it began very abruptly during the winter four years ago. The summer beforehand, I had experimented with street drugs for the first time, and loved them all. It was easily the best three months of my life. The drugs I had tried included ecstasy (in very limited quantities), marijuana, and painkillers. Once the summer ended, I stopped using drugs, but felt fine.
Then, it began. Ever since then, my life has been horrible. The worst part of it is, I cannot find any relief, even for a few minutes, by taking drugs. I don't mean antidepressants, I have tried most of them and am finally moving on to MAOIs beginning tomorrow. They have all been useless. What I mean is street drugs. Marijuana, ecstasy, painkillers, alcohol, ghb. Upon taking them, at best I will feel the same that I did before taking the drug. And at worst (i.e. typically) I will feel a significant decrease in my mood along with weird side effects. So, I do not take them anymore. For some people this might seem like a good thing, but considering what little if any pleasure I have felt during the past four years, I would kill to be able to enjoy something enough to get addicted to it.
If you are wondering, sex/masturbation has much of the same effect. It just makes me feel anxious, orgasm is the only slightly enjoyable part of it. If I was having an orgasm all of the time there would be no problem, but as far as I know that is not possible. I do remember being in love to be an enjoyable, drug-like feeling, but I have not had the experience since the depression began. Recently I have become more social, so perhaps I will try harder to meet a girl. But, I am not going to get my hopes up. Maybe I need to try something a little stronger? Crack? Meth? Dilaudid? Electrodes hooked up to my brain? I am running out of ideas, all I want is to feel good for a couple hours.
poster:johnsmith12345
thread:441020
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050108/msgs/441020.html