Posted by JayDee on December 3, 2004, at 1:16:36
IF YOU HAVE A SHORT ATTENTION SPAN LIKE ME, SKIP TO THE END>>>>
I'm so sick of this ADHD crap. I get nothing done, ever. I have so much stuff I need to do, and much that I want to do. This is the story of my life.
I can't hold a normal conversation, I get so bored with the stuff people talk about. You can say somthing like, "the weather is nice" to me and all I can think is, "ok... so?" I don't get small talk, but thats all that people do. But I want to socialize so bad, I just don't get it. I'm not even getting into my incredible social anxiety.I'm so selfish(it seems that way)
Being completely socially withdrawn, it would be nice to be able to sit here in front of the computer, read, do research, do homework, study for classes like I should be, work on my car etc... but I don't/can't do any of that properly. Trying to read stuff on the internet... I don't even finish sentences, skim thru, I cant even finish stuff that interests me!! too boring!! Does this make any sense?It's like I'm chronically uncomfortable. Extremely impatient for no reason. It's hell not being able to sit still, but at the same time having nowhere to go. I've had suicidal thoughts for the past 10 years!
I'm real good at pacing around the house getting nothing done despite 100 things being on my mind! Why couldn't God have given me a useful talent?
I've never done ANY kind of drugs in my life, and I'm more fucked up then anyone I know. And they all did drugs. I was always against it, and wouldn't get pissed at friends for it. What a fool I was...
Been to a shrink three times. First one was a conservative idiot, so I told her to give me Strattera. It was better then nothing(not much), but it was expensive and didn't last long enough. And did very little for my anxiety/depression.
The second shrink has ADHD himself, at first I thought great, someone who might understand my hell. He even says, "I *SUFFER* from ADHD myself,"
But I screwed that appt. up by showing up 40 minutes late, despite the fact I had been thinking about it all day. Basically I told the Doc and the Nurse(in 10 minutes) that I had ADHD, SP, Depression, sucidal thoughts. Decided not to bring up Borderline Personality Disorder from the stuff I've read on this forum. So I told the doc to give me Prozac, he wrote it out and says, "Come back in like 1 or 2 weeks, whatever you want, and we'll talk about ADHD medication." I thought GREAT, this doc is going to be OK, but the appt was with the Nurse only, and I could tell in the 10 min talking to her that her listening comprehension was worse then mine. Well, at least she *belived* the things I was telling her, unlike the first doc.
Anyways, I get to the 2nd appt 20 min early. Yay! Well, she manages to turn a 30 min. appt. into a 5 min quickie. Basically I tell her I'm in a good mood today, the prozac hasnt really helped with SP(only 2 weeks)she asked me if I had any suicidal thoughts, I am a very honest person and felt telling the truth would only get me some compassion, perhaps. "Yes."
Well basically she says "Sounds like the Prozac might be helping you with the Social Anxiety." (WTF????!?!?!?!?) And that since I had had suicidal thoughs we couldn't talk about the ADHD meds, until mabye next time! AND I HAVE FINALS NEXT WEEK, LOL. not to mention a nice girl that I wanted to ask to study w/ me. somthing I failed at miserably the next day.-Why am I being punished for telling the Nurse I had suicidal thoughts?
-Is there a better AD then Prozac(now on 40mg) for someone like me, who would like to be 'calmed,' even if it means dumbed down. somthing for chronic uncomfort, restlessness/hyperactivity?
-What other drugs are useful? Klonopin? When I take opiates, I feel NORMAL. Patient, comfortable, happy. I listen to people more, and I do more.
How often can Hydrocodone be taken and still get this effect? I was only taking one 7.5 mg about every other day, and it seems just from this the effect has wained 75%!! :(
Alcohol has a similar effect, not as good though(plus hangover)
Is there anything else? legal or illegal.
Ill take critizism/advise, I could use it.
thanks for reading. and sorry for the long incoherent post. ;-)
poster:JayDee
thread:423698
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041201/msgs/423698.html