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Re: Chemist--i need your help--you still here?

Posted by fluffy on September 15, 2004, at 10:43:56

In reply to Re: Chemist--i need your help--you still here? fluffy, posted by BarbaraCat on September 12, 2004, at 20:47:04

Hi Barb-cat!

Glad to hear you are at an equilibrium with your moods. I'm so glad you jumped in.

Yeah--I'm having a hard time right now. Feeling pretty fragile. I'm so tired of these Fall depressions that i could just puke. It takes all of my mental energy to just eat and try to keep the negative thoughts from overwhelming me.

hmm. The inner itch. It felt like an inner agitation. And when my doctor put me on Risperdal, it magically wiped it away. (which I was thankful for). And the inner agitation was accompanied by an increased libido and racing thoughts. So I associated it with the "up" of my cycle. Unfortunately, the Risperdal has done little for the downs. And like I posted before, I feel wiped of my personality. so I'm not sure if it's the depakote to blame or for me, the more obvious culprit, the risperdal.

If I ditch the depakote, though, I'm not sure what's next for me. I seem to be at the end of the rope in terms of conventional treatments. I've always had a haunting feeling that my thyroid is somewhat to blame. (my mom has thyroid disease). I've thought about running the notion of being on T4 or T4/T3 combo by my doctor as a main mood stabilizer to see what would happen. All I know is that no matter what we've tried, nothing seems to dent the rapid cycling pattern I've been in for 2 years now.

I'm exhausted. The idea of going through med changes and another Fall...well...I just don't feel right now like I can take it.

I've started to date a wonderful man. And I feel like such a freak. I don't know how to tell him that this is what I go through. he knows that i'm bipolar.. But right now, my heart just isn't in anything, let alone a new relationship. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm at my wit's end with all this. And i don't know if or when I'll feel recovered from this nasty illness. I hate it.

Sorry to be so negative. I can't help it. It helps to write some of my angry thoughts down.

Thanks Barb-cat,
Katy


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