Posted by iris2 on September 9, 2004, at 8:13:19
In reply to Re: Can ECT Make Depression worse? » iris2, posted by djinnicht on September 9, 2004, at 2:24:41
>>at first, i was angry, anger ruled my life by all those "rare adverse side efx" that now ruled it. i would play a game, this after the year i spent living with my little brother, who had to be in the car with me to rent videos, 6 turns total inclusive of driveways, my new game was take daughter to school (3 turns total), come inside, put keys on kitchen table, walk up inside cabin into next room, then turn around and figure out what the game was. i would look and look and look, and i never found them. the next morning, the keys would be on the breakfast table, then i would remember the game.
i eventually got less angry and decided to do what i could about it. reading all i could about experiments performed on what would stop memory loss on 'old people' they're disposable you know(sic) i took all those drugs, then got into all the smart drugs, neuroprotectives, spent fortunes on things like ondansetron and provigil, started arguing philosophy again, writing poetry, reading neitzsche, yada yada yada, i had access to some very unconventional therapies such as open loop magnetic neurofeedback, and i accepted it. i also took cortisol blockers and redid some of my education.
and then i scanned better, the mini miracle had happened.
i still find myself in stores, it happened today. i am standing in a superstore with a cart and like a deer in headlights for a moment i ask myself:"what am i doing here? what is it that daughter and i need?" and my mind goes as blank as a cretin. i still don't know street names and never will. but things can get worse and do.
my life i have 'flashbulb' memories of; its not worth remembering is the drift i get. i'm divorcing my norweigan spouse, i knew i couldn't stand him anyway. my regrets are the loss of all those years spent in school and no memory whatsoever of my precious child's life.<<Okay so you speak like a bridge above my head. But I get this. This is what I go through. NO memory of street names, anything I learned in school, sometimes an entire class,parking the car in the same place every time or I do not know where it is five minutes after I park it. ETC or ECT?
irene
poster:iris2
thread:386637
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040909/msgs/388596.html