Posted by katia on July 29, 2004, at 0:36:56
In reply to Re: Bcat and Katia posts and lamictal » katia, posted by BarbaraCat on July 28, 2004, at 23:35:06
> Oh Katia,
> Oh, I am so sorry. Your little pup. I'd grown to love the little critter - he just reached out over the waves. My heart is with you and I know yours is with me.
> My wonderful kitty just passed away tonight. My little Merlin was so sick, hanging on for love of life and his folks. He just got so sick and we had our wonderful vet come and send him into the great beyond, the great Adventure. Oh, Katia. Talk to me, sweetie. We have so much in common, my dear sister. Love, Barbara
Hi Dear Barbara,
Grief is a powerful thing. One minute I'm fine and the next, like a wave passing over me I crumple to the floor in agony. I'm sorry about your sweet little Merlin.
Oh god. Such an awful awful thing happened right at a time when Rock and I had shifted through things. I had to put him down in my arms at 4 a.m. kissing his head and telling him "Mommy loves you" over and over again.
Five days eariler we had spent three hours with an animal communicator and boy I got such a story from him. He had it FAR worse than I can even imagine. He was soooo smart too. He had so much understanding about our relationship, me, and him and his own demons. At the end of it, we both love each other so deeply and want only the best for the other even if that means sacrificing everything. I've never experienced such a beautiful unselfish unconditional love from both ends. I talked to the communicator just hours after it happened and she said that Rock was grateful for what I did and that he'll only be ok if I"m ok. I was sobbing screaming "I only care about him! I only care if he's ok. Don't worry about me; I can't rest if he's not at peace." Now, I'm at the part of missing him terribly. Something terribly important is missing from this life and that is him. I got his ashes back yesterday and he has shrine in the living room complete with tennis balls and bones. My heart has broken. The animal commuincator says she has rarely met such a special spirit as Rock. She said he was a very old soul. She said he said that he'd never experienced such unconditional love before and these four months have been the best in his life. He now knows he's worthy of such love and will choose such a dignified life in the next one. I just hope we can pass each other again if that is what he wants too.
The communicator told me something like: the level of your grief is only a reflection of the depth of your love.
Your kitty knows it was best for him. He loved you so much that he hung on all those months because of that. But he needed to go and you honored his life by providing that outlet. It is a courageous selfless act.
If we get rerouted to social Barb, just follow the link.
My thoughts are with you Barbara.