Posted by Xanablu on July 9, 2004, at 2:33:47
In reply to Re: how do you know if lexapro is not working, posted by shadowmon on July 6, 2004, at 2:11:27
Hi Shadowmon,
Sure hope Friday morning, or at least the day itself, will find you feeling a bit or even,perhaps, much better. We can hope...but I am with you, when it comes to expectations and 'auditioning' antidepressants. My best approach sounds a bit negative, but it always helped me. I tried quite a few before even getting close to 'normalcy', but I am female, and as I age I have found that my hormones are beginning to pretty much rule my life.(I am peri-menopausal---whooooo-hoooooa!)I know there will be more drs. and more 'refinement of my'mood control' as I go forward in life.So, my credo, after the first few failures (not to be negative, however-it can take me longer than most folks to respond, & maybe u are a slow responder, too)-so, I simply expect -nothing- to happen. I TRY to put it (the anxiety, depression, etc,) out of my mind as best I can. During less intense episodes I can watch videos, read a lot, and sleep.I am not very productive, altho reading, if you choose wisely is always healthy for your brain, and that mitigates one of my most viscious symptoms-guilt-----eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr! It's like an angry animal that can easily make its dark den in my mind and ruin almost any good feelings I try to build up around me so I don't criticize myself 'til I'm , just, a soupy pile of dark drippy goo that sucks my extremeties so powerfully, I feel like I'm in quicksand. Remember those silly jungle movies , always starring Tarzan or zombies or intrepid explorers or WHATEVER---around some corner, there it always was----aaaaaaah-------quicksand, Yucko-scary!!!! person-eating slop just waiting for some poor slob(or gorgeous babe) T O ENTER---------But, I digress.
Luckily, my favorite place to read is in bed, and I have read myself into a stupor every night for yrs.-when my chronic depression was not too intense. I am glad to see you are trying Remeron. It did nothing for my depression, but at 30mgs. I had the sweetest sleep I have ever known. I took it at 10 pm, read til 10:30 or so, and then off to dreamland. And I could dream, which has always been a a rather creative side of myself that I enjoyed remembering and sometimes surprising myself by re-playing whatever content I might be able to actively recall next morning. Since I slept so well, it was easier to face a less than perfect day. I was 43, caring for my 1st child, 3 yrs old, and my mom who had Alzheimer's. But, I had atypical depression at that time, so, I was -constantly- eating...grazing at any opportunity, it was rather distracting and disturbing to my health, self-image (I'm petite) & interfered a bit with how well I took care of my significant others! But, to its credit, Remeron squelched a rather major anxiety problem I had, within only a week or 10 days!!! I just thought that it was normal to worry constantly and not be able to have much control over it or how much that anxiety exacerbated my problems w/chronic pain.
Wow-were my eyes opened. I now swear by Klonopin (I take the generic) and it really is necessary in order for my A-d to work effectively. Altho, I'm sure I wd've gained lots of weight on it had I continued it-REm.- (very bad for fibro-arthritis type stuff) it sounds like it shd. help you lots w/stimulating ur appetite. And u gotta have your body/brain fuel, no question.
After my Mom died, I had a major depressive episode, and I was taking Zoloft and clonazepam. I had no p-doc at the time, lost 30 lbs. in 6-7 weeks, etc. I was a non-reading, non-nothing mass of emptiness, lying on my parents' l.r. sofa (he, my sweetheart dad, had died 14 months earlier) just trying to form a sentence when my husband spoke to me. I cd. only respond to my little girl, who seemed preternaturally understanding of my fatigue and sadness. My dad, mom , and 15 yr old best friend boxer had all died within 16 months, I had known them lots longer than she had, so she understood my extreme reaction. She cried her own tears for the death of the pet boxer, mostly-they kept each other company for many hrs. while I tended to Mom. I believe Hannah, my dog, actually enjoyed Cynara, who was 3-4, putting her on her old red leash again, and slowly, interminably, it sometimes seemed, walking her aound and around and around the interior circumference of my mom's home. It was a blessing to me as well, because it was probably the only way I wd've been able to keep up with all 3 of them at the same time and maintain any sort of acceptable 'quality control' if u will.
I was serendipitously saved from my deep pit by a dr. a friend recommended-a therapist-who dx'd me correctly(finally, thank god!) as having ADD at the core of my life-long depression-with the addition of stimulents and a change to Effexor, along with clonazepam and proper pain control, I was ambulatory and slowly, but surely, moving forward for the first time in 30 yrs. Hopeful, and slowly began to upgrade my "Expect nothing" credo (which was never pessimistic, it just kept me from experiencing even worse depressions whenever any previous med had failed_I knew I had SOMETHING that was not mere depression-I simply could not convince any dr. to take me seriously enough, until I hit rock bottom).
AND, hunting for anything, much less any type of really compassionate and innovative dr. when you are Depressed, can feel like u are trying to move Mt. Everest with your pinky finger. I HAD been looking for several yrs, but complications and family responsibilities, plus my own ignorance really slowed me down.
Luckily, my father-in-law and bro-in-law gave my husband and I a COMPUTER- I never dreamed what a resource it wd. become for me. This very forum, which DR. Bob works diligently to keep on a consistently open, but 'civil' and safe level, to hang out, gather knowledge and support as to ur preference or problem, without having to wade thru the trash u might face on some other psych forums , allowed me to absorb
knowlegde, courage and some tools to finally be able to move forward and finally take my 1st leap into my much needed psychotherapy, w/some confidence and I will probably pursue therapy as a career in the future.It was of great interest to me in college, but I left college after 6 yrs., b/c, even with the gift of intelligence, a great family and a top 1% IQ, my brain was not under my own control. It was terribly depressing, I had no idea what was wrong w/me...so I finally just wandered away and into my first marriage...About lexapro, after being cocooned in the "Effexor Nest" for 9 months, I finally felt safe enuf , within myself, to control my emotions, my deep grief and I titrated off it and on to Lex 10mgs. I was NO longer 'cocooned', that's for sure! I was overwhelmed with the detritus of an ADD'er who had not tended to her self properly for yrs., in any way. I switched up to 20 mgs. and I was then able to have somewhat greater control over unwanted thoughts and ideas that cd. really wreck my forward movement.
That's how Lex subtly helps me stay emotional stronger and retain some semblance of self control, and remain hopeful.But, drugs don't do it all---ya gotta do the WORK yourself.But, it does help, and is a positive element in my 'cocktail'-no serious side effects either.
I still have serious dips, and I suspect I am soft bi-polar. But, I am going to try to wait until my husband and I separate (He's sick of this crazy stuff and feels he can't really help me any more-I understand). So I will be moving to a lg. city soon, to live w/my adorable, affluent, generous younger sister, her 3 kids (teens) and husband, until I b/c more stable and can figure out how to make some money. My ex- to- be will move there (same city) as well, which is great. He is a good father and I want my daughter to know that both her parents will always be there for her. I will seek further therapy there. I'm very frightened, but it is our best choice, 'specially for me, as I have no close family here to fall back on and interact with and just love.
I wish u the very best-it may take time--but there's so many med therapies and docs and alternatives, etc. out there--I know it is so scary and hard, but u deserve a better life---keep pushing for it, keep sleeping better and try to exercise just 20 minutes 3 times a week when u feel up to it. You will be amazed whata short walk and some sunshine can do for you. I'm not bragging, I hate the heat and must start exercising easily, but reg'ly- again-. It makes a tremendous difference, I know from past experience.
Wish me luck and
Good, good luck to you as well~xanablu
poster:Xanablu
thread:360841
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040704/msgs/364281.html