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NEED FREINDS :-S advice, help plse?

Posted by crazychickuk on June 16, 2004, at 13:41:13

HI all, sorry if i am a pain i nthe but, just that i am finding it very difficult to even live at the moment, i am suffering from severe depression, i never felt this way before, i been like this for about 3 weeks, yes i had depression 4 years ago but nothing bad just loniless i suppose, i started effexor for it then my anxiety started, and 4 years later i am riddled with anxiety and now depression because of it, i am currently taking 30mg remeron, i have been on it for over a year now, when i up the dose my anxiety is worse i am basiclly climbing the walls, not sure if you all know but ssri's so do not agree with me, i can not take them due to bad side affects i.e. high bp and high heart rate, effexor reboxatine and there was another (cant remember) all made me very manic, and prothiaden and trazadone both gave me panicky reactions (my hrt was beating very slow i was dizzy and panicky) so remeron at the time of starting it has done great i think, its sort of cut my anxiety maybe 50% or so but i feel i am getting worse again, i am back and forth from the doctor on call at night time cus of my heart, i have had an ekg and been giving valium (dont give klon and xanax out), the reason for going to the doc on c all is because i can not deal with going to my doctor cus he just keeps questioning me about how i am g etting on at home etc, which everything is ok i guess, he DID refer to me to a physcyicatrist and she gave me zoloft, last year this was and i ended up in hospital on it cus of the side affects, she signed me of i think because my doctor was the one who took me of it and maybe she didnt like that, anyways i was re refered back to her this yr took about 12 mnths to get bk in to see her and she then gave me fluanxol which sent me manic badly and my hrt rate was like fastest EVER, she signed me over to a group of people called mind, they give you befreinders? and take u out etc.... i feel a right pain going to my doctor, i havent been to see him for about 4 weeks like cus i feel a right pain, i dont think there is any more they can do for me now? IF i go back to see another doctor they always tell me to come back to see my doctor apart from 2 which one of them tells me to fight it and i dont need meds and the other one keeps offering me ssri's which it says on my notes that i am unable to take them.. grr makes me so mad..

anyways these past weeks have been so bad for me, i been crying non stop, my hrt is skipping beats, i am so so so depressed and to top it all off i just found out that i have the beggining symptoms of cervical cancer :-(( i am having to have cells burnt away, and because i am overweight i have to be awake for it) --plse bare in mind this depression started before i had the results, So anyways i need some help and advice on medications, i need a freind, i can not talk to my mum as she has her own problems and i havent really any freinds here, i am scared real scared cus it feels as if i am losing my mind, lately it feels as if i am not me, and it feels as if someone is trying to take over my body, and also i been getting some dirty nasty dreams thats on my mind all the next day, i can not be near my freinds kids, i am afraid of doing something bad, ( i am a mother of a 4 yr old girl) i am just scared in my boots basiclly and no where to turn.. plse help..



p.s... i take 30mg remeron
have valium here for emergency's also have inderal but i do not take ( afraid to take as i dont wanna feel any more depressed)




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