Posted by Civ on April 7, 2004, at 7:46:20
After spending time discussing this with my psychiatrist, we have come to the conclusion that obsessional thinking is at the root of most of my problems. Basically, I can be happy at times if I'm in a pleasant situation, but my inner dialogue starts to overwhelm me and I begin to get anxious. For instance, let's say I'm watching the National Championship game. For a little while, I'll be perfectly content. Then, thoughts inevitably creep up. What do I have to read for classes? How will I finish the paper I'm working on? What should I have for breakfast? I can't even describe how much it sucks.
I have anxiety over miniscule things. I worry about replacing the toothbrush head on my Sonicare brush. Unbeliavably ridiculous.
When my psychiatrist asked me if I could trace this behavior to any time in my childhood, I told him I'd always been like this but it was never so serious. I can remember being like 8 or 9 years old and having ritualistic (i.e., OCD) tendencies: I would have to leave the house for school at the same time (to the minute) every morning. When I got a little older, say, 12 or 13, I had to go to bed at the same time every night, go to the bathroom at the same time, repeating the time on the clock out loud 3 times before getting up: your basic OCD behavior. Since high school, all the ritualistic stuff stopped and I just have obsessional thoughts about everything, procrastination amplified by ten. Psychotherapy is helping very little.
poster:Civ
thread:333631
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040407/msgs/333631.html