Posted by shadows721 on April 3, 2004, at 0:02:16
In reply to Re: The shadows from the past (complex PTSD), posted by Ruru on April 2, 2004, at 22:43:16
She is carrying around a lot of pain in the center of her being that is not deserved. She is very brave for telling others about her pain. She can run up against a lot of trash from others when she tells her truth. No one knows what she went through, but her.
Part of her healing will be to express the feelings that she could not at the time she was being abused. When this happens, all Hell breaks loose. She will most likely direct her anger at those who are safe - spouse, parents, friends, etc. She has been directing a lot of anger at herself for not being able to stop what happened and for being the target of such brutality. Nightmares, flashbacks, and emotional ranging from terror to rage come flooding back. This is apart of the process. Her life may flip out of control while she is doing this hard work.
You are right there is an 11 y/o there and is still in terror of this brutal perpetrator. That's why she is having such a difficult time now. She is still partly operating from an 11 y/o perspective. The wonderful thing is that there still is a really bright and beautiful 11 y/o still there. She is very much alive. She can tell her story as many ways as she wishes. This very intelligent woman needs to see this fact and start to realize she needs to tell the 11 y/o the truth. The adult can protect her and give her a live she could never imagine.
What may help the 29 y/o is to make a photo album of herself in age order. She needs to see the child that is still there. She needs to look into the eyes of that 11 y/o and say, "I love you just the way you are and it wasn't your fault all this happened to you." The 29 y/o is strong enough now to tell the 11 y/o to stop this self hating. She is and always was a child of the God that she chooses to believe.
There are many books on healing from abuse. All will say this is a process. It doesn't happen over night. Sometimes, she will feel stuck. Sometimes, it may feel like nothing is real. All she needs to do is just do the best she can do at any given moment. That's all she can ask of herself and protect herself during the worst times of the this process.
There is a lot of pain, but this young bright woman has a lot of light within her being that she has yet to uncover. The light within her - the child that wasn't abused - can help the child that was abused with the adults help. She has a lot of love around her to help her walk down this path. She is a strong woman for making these steps toward healing.
To others it may look like she is getting worse, but inside she is doing some major internal renovating. She is questioning everything. She is finding out who she really was and is. Not many do this. It is extremely hard work. She is a survivor and can make her life better in time. But right now, this is a time of grieving. It will get better with time. She will need to lean on those who truly love her while she does this work.
I wish her the best.
From another survivor with love,
Shadows721
poster:shadows721
thread:253823
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040402/msgs/331980.html