Posted by PsychoSage on February 15, 2004, at 21:50:36
In reply to Re: EFFEXOR for ADD? frustrated w/ my psychiatrist » PsychoSage, posted by snarley on February 13, 2004, at 16:12:06
> Psychosage--
>
> You wanted to know about my psych history, and that seems pretty valid considering that it probably does affect what kinda advice i get. So here goes (be warned, it's exhaustive):
>
> was dx'd with depression in highschool as my performance in school was becoming particularly dismal (as opposed to gradeschool where i just barely slid by). I was seeing some child/adolescent psychiatrist and was given paxil. After a few years of that i started abusing coffee (yes, abusing coffee-- I was told a speed addiction would have been cheaper, heh). Was drinking about five 5-shot mochas from starbucks a day, heh. that's 25 shots of espresso. Became anorexic my senior year of highschool and started skipping a lot of classes, which i had to take over during the summer because i failed them of course. But i did graduate. The whole anorexic thing had come to a head when i passed out several times during evening extracurriculars-- i was active in the drama program and passed out a few times during evening practices. This caused a lot of concern and after a huge conference with all my teachers, parents, and some school admins (i went to a private school, so they were pretty attentive to my situation), I was forced to go into a treatment program for my eating disorder. I went from about 100 lbs at 5'9" tall up to about 140 in a few months (my original weight was about 125 or 130), and i have the freaking stretch marks to remind me of that for the rest of my life. ugh.
>
> at some point as i was getting over the anorexic thing I started itching uncontrollably, they said it was the paxil and took me off of it. By this time i had switched pdocs again and now this one said i was bipolar and put me on depakote. I went off to my first year of college at a small private university.
>
> Stopped taking the depakote because it was making me fat (about 145 or 150 lbs, heh), got in with a bad crowd and started smoking weed for the first time in my life. also did mushrooms once. did really poorly in school and my dad intervened and took me to see yet another psychiatrist, who put me on lithium or something based on the previous psych's dx. The school wiped my grades from my record and gave me a 6 month leave of absence.
>
> During the meantime i went to live with my mom and started seeing another psychiatrist. this guy was a total nut, and piled on a ton of meds (i was a little off though, i had been raped recently and was in a pretty rotten state). Dx started out as depression for which i was given prozac-- which i found out later was giving me a bad reaction--hallucinations and such. But the pdoc thought i was just getting worse and instead started piling on all sorts of stuff like antipsychotics and benzos and stuff. I was hospitalized 2x in a 2 month period for flipping out totally, which now i think was understandable given the huge med load i was on (about 7 to 10 drugs at any given time). One of the pdocs at the hospital the second time around said i was addicted to ativan and i was detoxed. I was just taking the med according to the prescription the psychiatrist gave me, which was like 2mg a few times a day, which i later found out was totally insane and overmedicating. Should have probably sued the guy for malpractice and screwing up about 2 years of my life during which i was a ZOMBIE/crazy person but i was too busy dealing with withdrawal symptoms to deal with much else.
>
> So i went off EVERYTHING and quit that doc and after 6 months of panic attacks went back to school at a community college. No crazyness, no depression, but was just doing poorly in school. I went through a couple years there taking classes every few quarters, always dropping half of them and then either getting A's or F's in the remainder depending on how the classes were structures (i did great in classes with labs or in some classes based solely test grades). But i wasnt the psych basket case the previous docs would have had me believe i was, just had trouble focusing/getting work done/sitting in class (i would get up and walk around in the hall for a min or two every half hour or so otherwise i just couldnt stay on task, which would piss profs off to no end since i had no "real" explanation for why i needed to do it).
>
> last year i got depressed again and went to see my current psychiatrist and a started seeing a separate therapist as well (the guy is really cool, a forensic psychologist who specializes in NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) which my dad has, and caused some problems for me when i was growing up). The psychiatrist put me on effexor for the depression which has helped but the focus issues remain. I transfered to another 4year university and have continued my dismal level of performance in classes despite my 148 IQ and finally a few weeks ago after getting the tests done, i was diagnosed ADD. and now we're caught up to the current issues. tada.
>
> so basically i've had a lot of other problems along the way that i've had to work through, but the ADD has always been an underlying problem.
>
> Also, over the past few years as far as recreational drugs go, i've done coke 2x (once a year, stupid i know, i wont do it again), mushrooms one more time, and extacy once (which gave me the worst month of my life after taking it, i was so depressed, will never do it again). I've cut off all drug use now though since i have learned (albeit slowly) that it was just a really stupid thing to do. I still drink occasionally in social situations but that's it. If people are smoking weed around me, i'll just frown and leave.
>
> As far as parents go, my dad has narcissistic personality disorder and is currently dealing with a bout of depression. My mom has some OCD-like symptoms or overfocused stuff but has never been to see a doctor about any of it and refuses to believe she has any sort of problem. She is also a high-functioning closet alcoholic, and has been for about the past 15 years (i.e. she still is very productive and organized and holds a high-paying job with no problem)
>
> ---
>
> so given all that info / me spilling my psych history guts all over this thread... any other input psychosage? =D
>
> MarleyI think you are not on stimulants because of your history with hallucinations or because you may have evidence of an abuse pattern with substances. I am not sure, but look around. Generally, just focus on symptoms and not disorders. That's how doctors look at things I think when they give you drugs. I am not totally sure.
Stimulants are dangerous for a person who has had a lot of adverse effects with meds. It wasn't your fault, and you were overloaded with scripts. However, if there is something manic as opposed to purely ADD about you then maybe your doctor would be conservative about stimulants which can make you psychotic and angry if you are on my side of the spectrum.
Anyways, I am totally speculating. You clearly have an emotional history that is multi faceted. It's awesome you stay away from illict substances. It seems as if you have some family dynamics and maybe some regret. What those dynamics are I am not sure, but do you think ruminating about past school performance and not being well when you "were supposed to" is something that you cycle in your head? Well, I do it daily, so that is why I put it out there.
I think you should be extra cautious about stimulants if you get your hands on them. You must be mistrusting and apathetic about shrinks by now, so keep pushing because I am still looking for that right combo like everyone else. Just remember that using stimulants will be something to manage. It's not just pop them and get better. You have to watch out for symptoms and crashes. You need to realize that they bring you down too or you build tolerance. You may reach a point when you are kind of worn by them. Just realize that you are going to have to be looking at more drug options and other drugs like ALzheimer's and anti parkinsonians and doapmine agonists as stimulant alternatives.
With your history of depression they are guaranteed to leave you depressed in some way if you stop cold turkey.
I am sorry about your trauma. Obviously, that weighs into your depression and emotional style. Don't confuse the stimulants for making you love-worthy and the panacea for your ills.
They may be totally necessary for you but take your ADD-ness with a grain of salt. You have many dimensions to yourself.
Use them wisely, and tell me how you do!
poster:PsychoSage
thread:312542
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040215/msgs/313836.html