Posted by GoodAnimal on January 20, 2004, at 13:54:10
In reply to Lamictil is NOT a mood stabilizer » Krissy P, posted by BarbaraCat on March 18, 2003, at 15:33:44
I was misdiagnosed as BiPolar in may of 2000, although I was not told about it until I actually started treatment in September of that year (my GP never bothered to tell me of the psychiatrist's letter.) When I was told of the diagnosis, it came with all sorts of advice generally stating that being bi-polar is a wonderful thing, and I was given books to read like one by some psychiatrist at UCLA who went out and purchased 27(?) emergency snake bite kits, or spent $35,000 on frivolous shopping. Needless to say, I exhibited none of these symptoms. I repeatedly insisted that I was not manic, I was just very depressed, and had very good situational reasons to be depressed (losing my home, grieving the death of both parents, among other things).
I struggled with my psychiatrist and her supervisor, a Dr. Z. from Toronto (BEWARE! BEWARE! ). It turned out that Z. was applying for, or had just received a grant to conduct research on the effectiveness of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in BiPolar patients. He probably needed more people for his tests, and conveniently labelled me bipolar (I have since realized that characteristics which Z. chose to attribute to a bipolar condition are actually the markings of a lifelong struggle with ADHD. I would like to point out here that while "attention deficit" is labeled an abnormality and a disorder, I say we are just wired differently, not abnormally - I think of it as being a Mac person in a PC world.)
What ensued were two years of absoltue torture. Because of the misdiagnosis, I was not allowed to take SSRIs such as Prozac which had worked for me in the past for depression (although I can now see that I had made several bad choices while under the influence of this false high), but which, due to misuse, catapulted me into three sleepless nights which culminated in a brief, chemically-induced psychotic episode. (I had had the dosage increased - OVER THE PHONE - to 3x20mg of Prozac a day over the years. I was homeless and jobless and the drugs were so prohibitively expensive that I decided to take one one day, two the next, three the third, then two again on the fourth day, one on the fifth, two on the sixth and so on. Bad idea, though I at the time figured that the famous half-life would take care of the varying doses.)
I resisted their recommendations of Lithium, Serzone, Zyprexa, and several other drug cocktails; but by the time November rolled around, with that awful winter approaching, and me sinking deeper and deeper into depression, I finally said to my doctor, give me anything but give me something, I'm dying here. Their answer was Lamotrigine (Lamictal). BEWARE! I lost 25 lbs in a month, my skin became dry and my nails ridged and brittle, and I began losing my hair, with a plethora of other unpleasant symptoms (including a rash on the upper half of my body). Not only had I aged 10 years in 6 months, it has damaged my liver, and disrupted my sleep to the extent that to this day I wake up after only 3-4 hours of sleep, while in the past I was an 8-9 hour sleeper. As you may imagine, I am always tired, and my energy and focusing abilities are low with such extensive and long-lasting sleep deprivation. My doctor's answer to my lack of sleep was to prescribe clonazepam which, when I decided to stop taking it some weeks later, gave me a week of such bad shakes I couldn't even sign my name. I'm still bewildered by these doctors' arrogance in virtually taking a sledgehammer to our heads, while at the same time admitting that they have no clue as to what they're doing, they have no real tests to diagnose or determine treatment for chemical imbalances in the brain (which, in most cases, is another widespread fallacy). It's all just shots in the dark. Their ONLY agenda is their pocket, and their professional/political ambition. We are, indeed, no more than lab rats for them and their sponsors, the evil druglords of Eli Lilly and the likes.
I struggled to rectify the diagnosis, and for those of us who have been debilitatingly depressed, I'm sure you've encountered being invalidated in whatever you say. I finally had a session with Z.'s superior, who immediately concluded that I was not BP, I was just very, very depressed. Z's angry response to my cry for help was that I should "stop being a victim", and leaving the room in a huff. Very supportive, isn't it? Let me also mention here that the CBT workbook that they prescribed is an insult to anyone's intelligence.
I went back to taking prozac for a while, but stopped taking it again because I had come to detest PMeds and everything they involve, philosophical and practical. I figured, if I am sad then that's just who I am and I will not continue to damage my god-given health on the altar of their uncaring stupidity. I have been off any medication for over two-and-a-half years, and while withdrawal was as bad as the worst depression and took nearly two years, I am doing a little bit better every day. I moved and started working again, and can even withstand the abusive cycles of a boss who is truly BiPolar (and on Wellbutrin). (Don't worry, I'm out of there as soon as I'm able).
This is my story. While I acknowledge that there are a small number of people who may need to be on medication, perhaps paranoid schizophrenics, but most others would probably do better with constant support, particularly during the 1-2 years of withdrawal that all these medications entail.) Don't believe the old "side effects" line - a drug's effects are exactly that, and all of them - there's nothing "side" about it, they're all real and valid effects. These so called "mental health care" professionals will gladly damage you if it serves their purposes or their innate arrogance and stupidity. I still wake up crying in anger, thinking of what people that I trusted to help did instead.
My personal turning point came after reading Andrew Solomon's "The Noonday Demon". What first attracted me to the book was that it begins with stating that all the names in the book are real - what a refreshing change, particularly in contrast to the made-up character amalgams who populated the CBT workbook. While at the end of several hundred fascinating pages Solomon chose to continue with his 5-6 drug cocktails and I chose the opposite road, his book allowed me to feel that I was still a valid human being who is worthy of being treated as such, even if only by myself.
God Bless Us - Every One! (though please god, bestow no blessings on Z. and his cohorts)
poster:GoodAnimal
thread:208531
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040118/msgs/303302.html