Posted by katia on January 7, 2004, at 15:15:45
In reply to Re: What? Non-flexible talons??? Never!, posted by fluffy on January 7, 2004, at 12:34:03
Hi Katy, (and Hi Karen - your message is mixed in with this one!)
I'm so sorry to hear about your ultradian cycling!! I've been there and you're just along for the ride hoping to hang on to something until it stops.
It's funny how fast things change, no? Now you're trying Depakote and I'm trying Lithium and we're BOTH off of Lamictal. Will you go back on it? I had some great days when the Depakote was low (50-100) and when the Lamictal was inching up. They snerygize each other (sp?). I lost all my hypomanic days from Lam. when I got off of Depakote. I think it could work for you. I'm just too afraid of the PCOS. When I've exhausted all possibilities then I may go back. I just feel like I've been on drugs for so long now - do I really need them? REALLY?! This could be talking from a lithium induced stupor. Yes, my brain - I forgot to oil the wheels - don't know where to get the oil. I feel retarded. I can't write. I don't feel motivation or inspiration - I don't have access to me. It's awful. My writing was flowing so well pre-Li. I think I'd rather have access to angst if it means be able to access that part of me - well my creative side. It's more than just about not being able to have inspiration - I feel dangerously numb. Like I don't have good judgment - I could do anything or say anything b/c I can't feel. Like I'm eating what the hell I want w/o thinking or caring about a diet, I take a glass of wine at the end of a shift whether I crave it or not. This isn't a hopeless i don't care depression, it's just I don't have the sense to say one way or another about anything. AND TO THINK I WAS ON THE PHONE YESTERDAY WITH A REAL ESTATE MORTGAGE BROKER WANTING TO BUY A HOUSE!!! I've pulled out of that one because I'm afraid that the market will crash right when I get in (No.Cal). But something tells me ;-) that I need to wait on the buying of the house when I'm not in a lithium induced haze and trying to write a thesis.
I could say that at times, I feel a rush of giddiness/euphoria but it's not a racy kind. I'm titrating down to 225mg tonight. My pdoc wanted me to stay at 450mg 'til Friday b/c it takes 4-5 days for Li. levels to fall - but looking back over the past two weeks, I've been feeling like this for awhile. I NEED ACCESS TO MY BRAIN. I feel (sp?) dsylexic when I talk - I can't get anything out. At least my irritability/agitation has gone. Maybe that's to do with adios Lamictal. I haven't considered the antipsychotics yet. There's still Trileptal and Topamax to try if Lithium doesn't get better. (or augment to Li)
Karen, I can't believe you were at 1200mg on Lithium. Weren't you in a stupor? That's soooo funny about the vibrator. It's so funny (and scary) how our judgement gets off in hypomania! The Lamictal did work for me when augmented with the Depakote - it added a nice ZING to my life. It helped me when I was solo on it - not to fall to the bottom - but I was really irritability on it and lost temper tons - also insomnia. I wouldn't have gotten off of it had it not been for the rash. But since now I'm off of it, I am not so irritability (could be the lithium) AND wouldn't want to try it again right away if something else could work.
Katy, let me know how the Depakote works for you -Keep in touch sweetie!Katy and Karen! Thanks for your posts and words of reassurance and humor and sharing!
take good care,
Katia
poster:katia
thread:287670
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040105/msgs/297733.html