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Re: really worried about past selenium use Karen_kay

Posted by headachequeen on January 2, 2004, at 21:41:11

In reply to re: the benefits of topamax headachequeen, posted by Karen_kay on January 2, 2004, at 17:27:24

I'm never short on creative ideas or endeavors... Now that medication has stabilized me, I still am very creative and I have the state of mind to follow through and see the project for what it is, not what I want it to be.
Only now I can finish a project that actually makes sense. Not just to me, but also to the viewer. And that's wonderful!

I am pleased that it is working so well for you... and just a matter of days ago someone said that there were never any positive slants to the comments about Topomax.. I hope those who think that are still here and still reading...

I have always been able to follow through on the ideas and complete the projects, in fact, it is the completion of a solid project -- the reaction of the audience or the reader or the editor or the station manager or the listener or the knowledge that the class I am teaching has really grasped the concept -- that sends me off into that high that is better than anything anyone can reach from any illicit drug I can think of. I always said I didn't need to try drugs, I had music, people and my mind to get me high...
When I put together a solid game plan and it works then I hit that peak that no one else can attain and I treasure most those people who don't object when I call at four in the morning to share my elation because the script is finished and it works... or who are there to celebrate with me when a programme comes together as planned...
the ones who understand that this is what makes me live and breathe...
well, actually it is those ghastly expensive inhalers that keep me breathing, the ones I am supposed to throw away so I can take control of my life <gg>, but you know what I mean...
and I am not sure that I am ready to have that particular part of my life suddenly controlled for me...
There is nothing like the rush of energy and excitement that flows through one's veins when one walks off the set after a show that has come together so well that one feels certain one is flying...
or the feeling that hits one's bloodstream when a tracking or agility session goes so well and every dog has hit the scent perfectly and every handler has managed his dog without overhandling and had a perfectly awesome experience...
I don't want to walk I want to soar ...
and I have to confess that I am afraid of losing that...
I don't want the seizures -- oh no, I do not want that but I do not want to walk forever...
I said I was greedy... I was an only child and I have come to believe that I was probably hyper...
I am always counting things when I walk... can't just walk there... and I have to have everying thing just so... have spent the past hour arranging photos in chronological order to put them in an album.. two years' worth of them...
I can't sit still even to watch television on the few occasions I sit down long enough to watch it... I read and watch television at the same time.. and knit or something of that sort at the same time as I am reading and watching; it drives my husband out of his mind...
actually I treat television like a radio with pictures...
or I arrange photos in albums or collage frames...
I cannot simply sit and be still..
tried meditation a few times... oh what a disaster that was...
My psychotherapist thinks it would be good for my... and he may be right but it is simply too much of a being still experience and it is not comfortable... I need to be doing things... anything ...
the only time I am still is when the depression phase sets in then I can lie in a darkened room for hours... not a problem... maybe I should try meditation then???
kat


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:headachequeen thread:50878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031231/msgs/295902.html