Posted by shadows721 on December 18, 2003, at 19:03:54
In reply to Re: Sorry I posted » shadows721, posted by 13beans on December 14, 2003, at 18:25:21
It took me 3 yrs to get off Klonopin. I am going to give you a brief trial and error of years on and off Klonopin.
I had every symptom your mother had and then some. I tried to get off this drug 3x. The first time was in the hospital by a physican. No klonopin and lets see what happens game. Within 3 days, the painful knife convulsions game started. I jumped like crazy with every sound that I heard. I hallucinated ants. When I closed my eyes, I was talking to people I didn't know. All that stopped with another administration of the klonopin. It scared the Hell out of me.
The 2nd time a doc tried to get me off the Klonopin, it was switch Klonopin for tranxene game. I saw the ants again, itched like bugs all over me. I heard loud voices in my ears. Doc said you will be clear of Klonopin withdrawals in 6 weeks. Not so!!! My hands shook uncontrollable. I couldn't feed myself. I was paranoid. Finally, I emotionally and physically crashed 2 weeks into the 6 weeks. I got uncontrollably homicidal and suicidal in very violent ways. I literally saw everything in a dark cloud. I felt like 15 pounds were sitting on my head. I was praying to die. I was losing reality of what was really going on. I checked myself into a hospital and they just put me back on klonopin right away.
After I got out of the psych hospital, I decided I am not going to be a prisoner to a benzo. I decided to fight for my body and mind back. I was not going to thru live feeling the numbed out feeling that I had on Klonopin. Yes, it helped me stop shaking (for which I was originally prescribed), but I paid a HIGH price. It felt like a deal with the devil. I started to deal with the real issues behind the anxiety and depression. They were very ugly. Sadistic Sexual abuse and life threatening beatings long time ago came up out of no where. Klonopin covered it all up very well. I never had any memories on Klonopin, because Klonopin suppressed them. In the beginning, I slept for 10 hrs a night when I was on it. I had the beauty of a drug that got rid of my unfounded anxiety. Wow, isn't that wonderful. But, there was a very ugly truth that I didn't know. I was a total slave to the drug and I didn't even know it. When I tried over and over again to get off this drug, I did feel totally dependent on it.
When I found that out, I researched all I could on anxiety/depression and benzo's. As you can imagine, I went thru several docs to get me off this stuff. None of them helped me. My body was the ultimate boss. It said it doesn't take 1 day or 6 weeks. It takes 3 long years. None of the docs I saw were qualified to get me off of this highly physically dependent drug. I was telling one doc all the troubles I was having getting off this stuff and he said, "I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT KLONOPIN IS CAUSING ALL THESE SYMPTOMS. KLONOPIN IS SAFER THAN BAYER ASPIRIN." With that ignorance in mind, I did the taper with a pill cutter and bottles of Kava Kava. I had years of pain and I found out my will to live free of this med.
For any of those who are experiencing the likes of what I went thru, educate yourself like a chemist on this med. Don't listen to people who don't understand or give you support. This drug is very serious stuff. Perhaps, I was in the minority of those who get physically dependent on the drug very quickly. I sure hope so. I don't want anyone to go thru what I did. My head hurt so bad that I thought it was going to explode.
I don't in anyway think this med is bad. I think it has a place in medicine. It is very useful. I had a horrible experience, but I learned a lesson. I couldn't trust what a doc told me as law. I had to become very educated on any med that I took. I had to know myself and listen to what the body said no matter what.
Klonopin quit working for me at a certain dosage and the dosage kept climbing up. I could have stayed at the initial dosage but I wasn't having that artifical wonderful world anymore of no anxiety. Sometimes, in my case, the fear was leading me to the truth about my history and self. It was a lesson not many really want to go to. It was so easy to just take a pill and think all is well. It wasn't my ultimate truth. I found out that I was far more than I even understood. I ultimately discovered who I really was. I was person in a great deal of pain for damn good reasons.
I have determined everyone has very different experiences with their meds. Some don't go thru what I did. Praise be it for them. But those that do suffer - REMEMBER, YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS BATTLE. KEEP SEEKING THE TRUTH AND DO WHAT YOUR BODY SAYS. IT IS THE ULTIMATE AUTHORITY.
poster:shadows721
thread:253823
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031213/msgs/291391.html