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Re: What were you using?

Posted by maryhelen on December 17, 2003, at 11:46:55

In reply to Re: What were you using?, posted by Caleb462 on December 17, 2003, at 0:28:20

I mainly use percocets right now which I find give me the best anti-depressant effect and pain relief. There is no feeling of being 'high' just a feeling of calm, feeling mellow, not being depressed, able to work, socialize, do housework etc., be on computer, put simply be part of life ......... my problems are still there but seem less significant and manageable and not magnified to the point of being insurmountable, take a back seat, so to speak. Otherwise, end up staying in bed unable to function, in the unbearble grips of this hell of depression, useless and feeling worthless, hopeless and pathetic. Unfortunately, I need about 25 - 30 of these pills a day for this effect.

I am addicted to and have taken Fironal, Oxycontin, Tylenol 3's by the handful, morphine. I am addicted to any such drug before I even take it. I unwittingly began taking a drug called Dilaudid, a drug 9 times more powerful than morphine, used to treat cancer patients in last stages of their pain. I was offered it when the woman, at the time from whom I bought percs from, couldn't get them. I looked it up in my prescription drug book and it was just listed with all of the other anaelegics, for pain relief. Injected it in my thigh muscle. Was not afraid of doing so, as that is how I took my med, Imitrex for migraines, by injection. Pills were $25.00 each. I only used it for 3 months and became so psychologically dependent that I became within a hair's width of committing suicide when I was withdrawing from it. I had thought at that point I had experienced depression as low as I could go. Have never experienced, nor could describe the depression following the withdrawal from this drug. Ended up in going to emergency knowing I would be certified, or most certainly die, spent weeks in a psych ward followed by a substance abuse program. Years ago now, but have since resumed my use of opiates, had never really stopped using them but had long breaks from them and still found I was depressed even after the drugs had been out my system for months. I am getting them prescribed now by a doctor. By the way, the woman who gave me the Dilaudid died. She injected it into her veins and died of an accidental overdose. I loved that drug. I would even admit right now that if I was handed it today, I would not bat an eyelash and would use it. Much stronger than percs, much more physically and mentally soothing. Yet, no one knows I am taking these drugs as I do not appear stoned or stumbling, as I was when I took Fironal for my migraines. Another aside, I once saw a TV show on the last days of Elvis. Of all the multitude of drugs he took, Dilaudid was the last one he had his prescriptions for. It was then I found I had been taking synthetic heroin. Also, the woman supplying it found that when she tried to get off it, she had the most unbearable physical withdrawal. I never experienced that kind of withdrawal with the extreme nausea and throwing up, chills, diahrea (sp), muscle aches and spasms, unbearable headache. Mine was the worst depression I had ever experienced, plain and simple, nothing physical. It is strange how different we all are.

Sorry, I don't seem to know how to post without rambling on and on. Just trying to give my experience.

I also, understand doctor's reluctance to prescibe these drugs for depression, given that most people would develop a tolerance, dependence or addiction. I feel very badly for those who could manage them and could get the relief from their depression, but are not able to get it prescribed for them.

I am praying and hoping that the Nardil will begin to work and that the bupe will address the issues of opiate dependence and chronic pain, which almost becomes secondary.

Caleb, thanks again for posting about your success with the combinationof Nardil and bupe and giving me hope. What would we do without each other?

Sorry again for the long post.

maryhelen


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poster:maryhelen thread:289561
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031213/msgs/290951.html