Posted by Barbara Cat on June 10, 2003, at 0:41:04
In reply to Barb, Re: Should BP II's nix the AD's? - Depends, posted by McPac on June 6, 2003, at 14:50:49
Hi,
Thanks for your great post. We do have much in common. I know what you mean about different kinds of anxiety. There's the incessant worry, tongue tied obsessive kind of anxiety and there's the OTHER kind that really has no description. You mentioned how strange it is in mixed states that 'happy and sad happen at the same time'. One thing is becoming very clear to me as I live with this thing is that manic does not necessarily mean 'happy', like most of us think it does. I guess it depends on which neural systems are being affected at the time, but all mania seems to have one thing in common, and that is a frantic frenzied urgency. You know, spend, spend, spend, clean, clean, clean, party, party, party, projects, projects, projects, terror, terror, terror. Ron Hill had a hit that there is an 'off switch', probably electrical, that doesn't respond and things spiral out of control.Why it spirals up or down is anyone's guess. I imagine different mixtures of electrical misfires can happen simultaneously. And who knows what this weird mixed states thing is anyway? It's nice to have a label for things, I guess, but I sure haven't run across my brand of it very often.
Maybe for me is has nothing to do with Bipolar, maybe it's periodic schizophrenia (but I don't think such an animal exists. You either are or you aren't). I was going to describe more of my experiences in this state, but reading it over I realized it is not to be lightly divulged, so out it went. It is truly terrifying, bizarre and not psychosis. In fact, I've been on anti-psychotic meds that did didly squat during an episode.
I don't know what to call my episodes anymore, so Bipolar mixed-states it is since my pdoc needs to give it a dx. Wish I knew, but haven't even been able to discuss the details with my pdoc. Tried to but he began asking pointed questions clearly leading in the direction of outright psychosis and it just ain't that way with me. I think it is a gift that I will one day understand. I think this is true of many of us. I know that in my 20 minutes every 8 weeks, there's just no way I'm going to get depth psychology. There are no insurance mandated doctors that I feel I could confide in so I read many books and make hay while the sun shines.
Soooo, the good news is that I haven't had one of these doozys since lithium. Also, reading and listening to Eckhard Tolle's "The Power of Now" books and CDs has healed me more deeply than anything else. - BarbCat
poster:Barbara Cat
thread:229544
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030609/msgs/232807.html