Posted by 1313 on May 3, 2003, at 23:45:15
In reply to Re: 1313, posted by gregg on February 10, 2003, at 10:06:00
I know its been a long time since I posted but I wanted to wait and see how things would work out first! I no longer take Abilify. I had a very serious adverse effect from it and had to stop.
I had to go to the hospital because I did not feel safe. While I was there I went back to Zyprexa and Lamictal only at higher doses!
So far I have not gained back most of the weight I lost....but that is not important. What is important is the therapy I received in the hospital. I learned that for the first time in my life I can tell people how I feel and stay in the present and concentrate on wellness. I no longer feel the strange need to talk to myself to work through my feelings although it takes a while for me to understand them. The person who walked into the hospital is not the one who left.
I am struggeling to maintain at home the disciplined atmosphere that the hospital had
I pray that I have not branded myself as being dishonest or a hurtful person. I plan to make ammends with people I have wronged especially my family and "extended family "! It is not my way,style,or MO to maintain myself in a negative way. Because I have always lived in my hometown I have had several peaceful interactions with the police and have learned since childhood to respect them as allies and role models. I pray that they still see me in a positive light. My biggest mistake was the stress of 9/11 and the loss of two wonderful friends in the months that followed. Because of this stress my inner voice was dulled and I started to tell groups of people my innermost feelings and fears. When I did this I had no idea what the consequences of my actions would be. I thought I was seeking help in going public with my story. Instead my honesty backlashed at me. I began to think that magic could happen and I tried to force it into happening!!!!!! This is the second time in my life that (with all my might) I wish I could turn back time.The first time was 16 years ago but that is another story. My biggest most ferverant wish is to be considered a good and upstanding daughter, sister,aunt,cousin,co-worker,friend and citizen of the best town ,in the best county, in the best state which is all part of the most outstanding country in the *world*!!!!!!!!!!!!
**G-D BLESS THE USA**
With much love, respect,discipline, and patroitism I am deb1313
PS. If I ****ever**** need to go back to the hospital ****I will**** even if I only ****think**** something bad I will run not walk to the hospital!!!!!
****I willnever cry wolf!!!!!!!!****