Posted by ace on March 9, 2003, at 3:39:30
OK THIS IS MY OCD....PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE READ ALL AND OFFER OPINION MED SUGGESTION, I BEG OF YOU GUYS!
I essenetially have two aspects to it. MD's and myself have diagnosed it as atypical OCD. Myself - I don't believe in labels but this d/o is closed to OCD symptoms without a doubt.
Before I start I must say...
1. Reality Testing ALWAYS intact (I know this is crazy!)2. All thoughts are ego-dystonic (I don't like or want them, they hurt real bad)
3. I NEVER hav psychotic phenomena about the thoughts (At worst they turn into Ovrvalued ideas- I'm very attached but a part can see it's crazy)
OK
OCD #1
'YES PROCESS'
This ocd is wierd and a pain in the a-hole. First, usually when I feel good or excited about something, a thought comes to counter that happiness. It say's 'It's bad if you do that and thsis thought (ie it's bad) will forever be in your mind stifling the fun of the activity, product or whatever. Then this other thought comes into play - It's pushes into my consciousness and trie's to say 'yes' to the 'ba' thought, tries to affirm it in spite of the fact that the 'real' me doesn't want it. The 'real' me of course say's 'no' to the thought wwhich trys to affirm the 'bad' thought. Over the top I have to think a 'good' thought (the ritual, compulsion) In therapy I was told to accept the 'bad' thoughts but it didn't work. I EVEN FLOODED MYSELF WITH 'BAD' thoughts and in some ways it made me worse ie even now I occassionaly think of the 'bad' thoughts i flooded myself with! This above goes on frequently all day and is fluid - ie it coves all activities and comes wherever I am.OCD #2
this is more straight foward. basically it is rumination. if a 'bad' thought get's 'in' (i don't cover the ''yes' thought which affirms the 'bad' thought' i start ruminating on the bad thought , sometimes for hours. this kills - whenever i think of the activity/product etc that has been stained by the 'bad' thought i get a bad gut feeling which stifles the happiness about the enjoyable activity.
Other ruminations - infinity, obsessing i don't have ocd, obsessing whether my condition is the only one in the world like this, obsessing on body parts (when younger ie Body Dysmorphic Disorder).OK that's enough.
I beg of you guys to offer any med suggestions.
My Nardil has dfinately mad the 'yes' process more in the background and stopped a lot of rumination. But only by 40-60%. Of course, IT HAS BEEN A LIVESAVER FOR MY OTHER MULTITUDE OF ANXIETY D/O's. BUT NOW THIS CRAZY STUPID OCD CRAP IS ON THE HIT LIST. I BELIEVER IN 90-95% reduction, none of this partial help crap.
SPECIFICALLY WHAT MED DO YOU THINK SUITS THIS BEST?
WITH THE NARDIL?
WITHOUT THE NARDIL (OF COURSE I AM EXTREMELY RELUCTANT TO STOP NARDIL) BUT SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME.
PLEASE GUYS AS MUCH INFO AS POSS.I LOVE YOU ALL
ACE (ANDREW)
poster:ace
thread:207316
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030306/msgs/207316.html