Posted by ricardo on January 30, 2003, at 17:28:09
Hi!
I've always been impulsive and I have always (ever since I was a child) had this tendency to show my anger physically (not violence against other people, but by throwing objects against the wall and this kind of thing). Some people say that it's because I'm an Aries... In my struggle with depression, I've had some different kinds of tantrums... Especially, the ones related to self-deprecation, or self-humiliation. To be more precise, things like getting down on my knees, in tears, begging somebody to make love to me so I wouldn't feel rejected. It did happen once. I wish I could forget that! These are moments when I really thought as though I was losing control. When I first started on Paxil, I thought that I was more level, or as if there was elastic bed (I really don't know what you call that in English) keeping me from falling, or from going too low. I don't think I had one single breakdown while on it. However, I asked my doctor to put me off it, since the sexual side-effects had really been a problem for me, as well as it put me to sleep all day long. She substituted Wellbutrin. I was ecstatic when she put me on it. I would treat my depression, as well as lose weight, have more energy and all the rest of it. Right from the start, I had a big breakdown when having an argument with somebody. I was shocked at how violent that was (but, please, don't think that I threatened somebody's life or anything like that; what I did do was to hurt myself, by slapping my face real hard!) Now, I'm facing a relapse of my depression. This afternoon, I felt terrible and, once again, I had one of those breakdowns. This time, I did not express it physically. I kept it to myself, but the feeling was that I was exploding. I thought I was not going to survive that! I could only feel some relief when I started crying non-stop. By boyfriend left me alone and said he's tired of living with a "crazy" person like me. He said he's leaving me for good this time. Anyway, my question is, could it be the Wellbutrin that is causing these violent reactions. One thing is for sure: I'm not taking that pill tomorrow or on any of the following days, until my appointment with my pdoc on Wednesday. I'd love to know what your thoughts are... (and I feel terrible ashamed for having written this post...)
Cheers,
Ricardo
poster:ricardo
thread:138422
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030130/msgs/138422.html