Posted by Guy on January 12, 2003, at 13:42:06
Every day I feel terrible and, despite my best efforts, start pondering how to escape this nightmare. My sleep is poor, I have huge bags under my eyes, I am blind in one eye (due to childhood accident), I am constantly aware that my brain is malfunctioning, headache, neckache, a nervous system that is constantly activated, I'm always scared, my mind is racing, I make impulsve decisions, I catastrophize, I am irascible and awful to be around. Last night I walked out on my wife's birthday party because my mother-in-law was so horrid towards me. I just want out but know my wife and kids would be devastated. I love them so much--why should they be burdened with me? Seven years of constant insomnia and anxiety...afraid of meds, constantly crying, slept for 10 hours last night with Remeron and clonazepam but still feel like I have worst hang-over in the world. Doesn't there come a time when you are allowed to say enough is enough. My brother-in-law says suicide would be the most cowardly act ever...if only he could walk a day in my shoes he might think differently. This is like Chinese torture. Other people get sick and die--I just keep suffering and suffering and suffering, but am always denied death. Don't know how this happened and don't know where to go from here. Seeing my shrink on Friday.
poster:Guy
thread:135533
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030106/msgs/135533.html