Posted by bpdzone2000 on January 11, 2003, at 11:30:34
In reply to Re: thought insertions, posted by JohnX2 on January 9, 2003, at 22:06:28
I can relate to those thoughts and images. They consume me at times and it is very hard to break out of the thought.
I often have disturbing thoughts of being sexually abused or beat up or something of that nature and I fantasize about my therapist being there for me. It is kinda like something terrible happens to me and then I see myself going to the therapist and her being so worried about me. It frieghtens me to think that either I hold so much on my therapist or I'm just real crazy. It's very hard to talk to anyone about this because it is so shaming.
I hate to think of transference. To me it is a reliance/co dependence feeling.
I feel so hopless at times because I can't share this with anyone.
When I am struggling the most emotionally is when those thoughts enter and it is very hard to disengage... Those thoughts are soothing at times becasue the fantasy is what I really want to happen. The image of something terrible happening to me and me and my therapist getting closer and her helping me.
Some people I have read have fallin in love with there therapist. I do not have those feelings, but I do know the rescue feelings I do have. This really bothers me. I feel so alone with this. It is very disturbing and I do not know what to do with them.
I did mention something to my therapist in a round about way and it was embarrasing. I kind of shrugged it off, unfortunately they are still there and I'm afraid to talk more about it with her.
Anyone experience anything like this?
poster:bpdzone2000
thread:135037
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030106/msgs/135322.html