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PLEASE HELP ME

Posted by Peter on November 2, 2002, at 14:33:47

Hi all:
This is the roughest time I've ever been through, and that includes my years in the 90's of going in & out of rehabs for drug addiction. This is what's going on and I'm really in despair and don't know who to talk to: I've been seeing the same pdoc since '97, which is the year I stopped using heroin and cocaine. He immediately diagnosed me with bipolar with dysphoric hypomania and put me on depakote. In the years since then, after being placed on God knows how many complex combinations of different medications, he's narrowed down my diagnosis to cyclothymia/SP/possible ADD. And still he has placed me on one cocktail after the next, each of which worked for a time, but everytime something warranted a change to the next. I'm really losing hope; I've tried every mood-stabilizer, from Lithium to all the AC's. I've tried every SSRI and benzo, stimulant, dopamine agonist (permax, etc.), beta-blocker, and multiple combinations of each. The constant changes in and of themselves heighten my anxiety and have devastating effects on my relationships with others. I feel like I've been at a standstill for the last 5-6 years of my life, and I've never reached a point of some sort of status quo with the meds-they're always changing, and, as a result, I'm getting more fed up and unstable. I've seeked out second opinions from 2 other doctors, both of whom agreed that I fit into the 'bipolar spectrum' ('not otherwise specified'). My most recent combo was depakote 750mg, zoloft 100mg, klonopin 2mg, and adderall 40 and then up to 50mg. My pdoc decided the zoloft was getting me wound up, and has reduced it over the last few weeks to 50mg, while adding lamictal, of which I'm now taking 25mg. Because of my trouble sleeping, he upped my klonopin to 3mg at night and added 30mg temazepam. After awhile, I felt the sun begin to peak through the clouds, until he decided to have me begin to reduce the adderall. I guess his reasoning makes sense, because if the lamictal actually works, stabilizing my cyclothymia while also helping my depression, it could theoretically replace the zoloft and depakote. But if the zoloft alone is tapered, he thinks my anxiety from the 50mg adderall would increase. Doing it this way, he says, I can pretty much decrease everything in the long run except lamictal, that is, if it works (I've heard these promises a million times). But that's easy for him to say; I'm sure you all know how even a tiny change in one of many meds can totally put things out of wack. Well, I started reducing the adderall and became depressed and hopeless. I've sent him numerous emails about how fed up I am with this constant fluctuation of medications and he finally said he's also fed up and he'd be just as satisfied if I tapered off of everything. Maybe that is the best thing to do-my whole life has been centered around medication for years now. I just got engaged-but let's be real-how can I possibly be a husband with this medication-induced self-obsessiveness? I can't live like this anymore; but I also can't go through the months and months of tapering off all these heavy-duty meds-and I don't want to put others who have to deal with me through that process either. So I find my only choice is to go to some sort of detox clinic to get me off all these meds so I can see how I deal with the real world without substances ( which is something I've really never experienced, as I began medicating myself with pot in my teens, then psychedelics, then cocaine, then heroin, and directly on to all these medications ever since....I'm now 26). Does anyone know of any places like this in the NYC area? for detoxing off of psychiatric medications? Is there such a thing, or is rehab the only option? I sure don't want to go back to rehab, and I'm not abusing anything now, anyway. I just want to get off these damn meds so I don't have to go around in circles with them for the rest of my life, putting myself and others through hell. I'd love some help, please. Thank you.
Peter


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:Peter thread:126191
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021101/msgs/126191.html