Posted by nikita on September 4, 2002, at 8:41:19
In reply to Re: Any cutters out there? Taking anything for it? » Nikita, posted by judy1 on September 3, 2002, at 17:52:23
I guess it is pretty freaky to think about, especially thinking about your child doing it. I am 31 and haven't really had a major problem with cutting until now. For me, it's so hard to give up because it provides such instant relief, and it's like my own special thing that I don't want anyone to take away. I think I started because this Spring I divorced, which my husband didn't want thus most of our friends and co-workers think I'm a big jerk. Lots of guilt feelings about what I did to him and what effect the divorce will have on my 4 year old daughter. So I think now when I get upset it's just an emotional overload, like I have no room left for any other feelings. And it seems it doesn't take much to set me off. Like I can go from feeling fine to total rage and hurt in the blink of an eye over the silliest things, such as the man I'm dating now commenting on how a certain actress is hot. How goofy is that? I guess it also obviously stems from a lot of insecurity too. The anger is almost scarier. Although I've sliced myself up pretty good, the intention was never suicide. In some ways I really don't want to give it up, but then when my daughter or parents asks what happened to my leg or arm or wherever I've cut, I feel horrible. I guess besides the medicine taking care of such severe mood swings and reactions, you have to want to stop. The Geodon seems to be helping, not as much as the Risperdone, but I've got the jitters big time, lots of energy but I could just jump out of my skin.
poster:nikita
thread:118691
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020829/msgs/118754.html