Posted by trouble on March 15, 2002, at 5:10:03
In reply to Re: How do y'all function; anyone as bad off as me?, posted by Libby Bonine on March 14, 2002, at 18:27:25
> Some days I function. Some days I don't.
> At least once a week I question whether I can manage to keep my job.
>yes. a million times yes.
>
>
> My job performance got progressively worse with each episode, but I'd always been a strong performer... until episode number four. That one almost cost my job. The decline was so rapid I didn't recognize it. In less than a month, I went from getting a lifetime achievement award to being on probation for substandard performance! I'd gone from performing well in a very demanding job to being unable to drag myself out of bed long enough to even call in sick.
this is it, exactly. to say nothing of the self-hatred it generates, on top of the hatred you anticipate from the people who rely on you, who can't quite seem to disguise it, no matter if you show up looking like the walking dead.
> Likek anyone, I'd rather my peers saw me as outstanding, but I've come to realize that "acceptable" is perfectly... acceptable.I'm trying, I have a rolodex of affirmations about this attitude of self-acceptance, but it seems to me the world is reading another sort of affirmations, as in "the 7 habits of highly
effective people" type, and it feels like they expect the same from me. If they can do it, why can't I? But, dear god, child, don't explain, no, we don't want to know about THAT! sigh
>
>
> I can only function because I have been allowed to. I am LUCKY enough to work for both a company and a boss that have been willing to make some pretty hefty accomodations for me. I have given me EXTREMELY flexible hours, ample vacation time & sick days, and on a very limited basis, I can even work from home.
>It sounds like you are more of an asset to the business than you give yrself credit for.
> In return for all this flexibility, I've given up my most treasured career aspirations. I've had to accept the fact that I'm unreliable by most people's standards - and that is a liability.
I have similar limitations, they are a liability too, but I sure don't have the self-esteem to acknowledge and work around that yet. It takes a lot of character to say what you're saying.>>>But it's not all negative. I've chosen to allow myself to be mediocre at work if that's what it takes to stay functional. Some may see that as a cop out, but I see it as practical at this point.
You left out refreshingly honest!
>> Depression really can be disabling.
What will it take for the rest of society to accept that? Workers who are out sick for a week w/ the flu return to the job and find get well cards on the desk, depressives return, looking like they've been appropriately ill and they get cool, sidelong glances. Some people seem to think I've been malingering, and others seem more scared of catching what I got than they are a bout w/ the flu, but no one knows what they're projecting, but the one who has to defend herself. The unacknowledged projections I perceived are what precipitated my exit from the professional world, if you have something to say to me, come on just say it, ya' know? Silence makes me feel like a leper...
> Hope this helps...
It helped yours truly,
trouble
poster:trouble
thread:97858
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020313/msgs/98107.html