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Re: the path, the timeframe, and meditation quandary

Posted by Mark H. on March 14, 2002, at 10:57:10

In reply to the path, the timeframe, and meditation quandary, posted by trouble on March 14, 2002, at 0:19:34

Dear Trouble,

My high school Shakespeare teacher initially thought I was an asshole because I laughed during Hamlet. Later, she realized that's how I express my hurt, and we became close friends. I hide my hurt in humor that sometimes has a bitter edge, and my attempts to be funny have sometimes been unintentionally hurtful. If I'm easier to live with these days, it's because my intense self-hatred has greatly abated in the last couple of years.

I don't so much regret the times that I've challenged people here to look at their issues (although I now realize that a semi-public forum is not the place to do that) as I do a parody thread I wrote a couple of years ago, which seemed very funny at the time but wound up being hurtful.

I'd speculate that the teacher intended "keeping your feet on the ground" to mean remaining grounded and present during meditation, rather than using it as a time to space out and abandon your body (we get to do that when we sleep). The position you find comfortable would be perfect for meditation for you. The most important thing is to smile and be kind to yourself while you're meditating -- "my mind just wandered off again, OK, by realizing that, I've come back into mindfulness... Ooops, there is went again, no problem, now I'm back" etc.

It's that sweet, tolerant, grandmother-like balance between directing and letting go, loving and protecting, holding space open for yourself and others always to be healthier, more relaxed and present. In the end, it's discovering that nothing we do is worth anything unless it benefits everybody. There is no them and us. It's all us.

My largest obstacle on the path right now is that I simply fall asleep when I sit quietly. The lama starts teaching, and 45 minutes later I'm snoring away. It must seem incredibly rude to others, but I just have to accept that that is the way I am for now. All the stimulants in the world can't keep me awake during a long teaching or while sitting still.

Time to eat and go to work!

Slowly, slowly friend.

Mark H.


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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020313/msgs/97975.html