Posted by Life2.0 on February 27, 2002, at 0:23:01
In reply to Please, please, please help me. First post, posted by Er on February 25, 2002, at 20:04:17
There's a ton of stuff I could tell you Er, because your story sounds so similar to mine. But I realize you must be suffering a lot and desparately need some sort of relief, so I'll do what I can for now. I'd just like to talk about your terrible secret that seems to be eating you from the inside out.
You aren't the exception to every rule on earth.
I know what it's like to have a sexual fantasy that you think is so shameful that anyone finding out would be the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen to you in this life. I know the feeling that comes after the desire overwhelms you, and afterwards you sit in front of your PC looking at the images that seemed so exciting and arousing minutes before, and wishing you could almost die just to escape the guilt and shame you're feeling right now. I've been through the almost unbreakable cycle of sex addiction; the broken promises; the endless oaths taken on your mother's grave that you will never, ever, do it again. And then one day, maybe in late adolesence, the violent images invade your mind. You can't stop it. You initially think you're going out of your mind. You suffer horribly for a few months, more dead than alive. Gradually you learn to cope, just barely. But they are still there, almost mocking you sometimes.Sound familiar? I hope it does because this is just a small part of a story that we both seem to share. And I'd like to give you hope that you will be cured one day.
Am I cured? Nope. Do I suffer every day with depression and anxiety and obsessive thoughts and sex addiction? Yep. Do I ever think that death would be better that the constant pain? At least once a week. So why am I writing this? Because I've learnt a few things. I've learnt a lot about about brain chemistry - what chemical malfunctions cause particular disorders and what medications help to reduce the imbalances. I've also read some books on psychology, and I understand how shame and anger and guilt can turn into misdirected self-hatred. Thats what these obsessive thoughts and images are Er - your subconscious mind fighting for a way to let loose the pain that has built up. I'm guessing that you're someone that tends to bottle up their feelings and never show much emotion. You don't want to rage at anybody or anything, so you have to rage at yourself; you have to cause youself pain somehow.
Anyway, I've got to get up early in the morning so I'll sign off for now. If anything I've written strikes a chord with you, the way you're post did with me, then please write me back. What I've read on this board has given me back hope, and I want to do the same for you. I can give you advice on medication, counselling, CBT, and some simple things you can do to cope.
Life2.0
(formerly J)
poster:Life2.0
thread:95505
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020222/msgs/95661.html