Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Psychiatrist says I've been misdiagnosed.

Posted by zarathustra on December 30, 2001, at 23:10:19

After many futile trips to the hospital E.R. because I am suicidal and wanted help, I decided to goto the Clarke institute here in Toronto and Get myself a psychiatrist. He says that for years, I have been treated for depression when in fact, it is bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I dont dispute the epileptic component (complex partial seizures), but I still believe I am depressed. He currently has me taking divalproex-sodium 750mg B.I.D. and there is little change in suicidal impulses or mood stabilisation. When I initiated this drug, the side effects were horrific for about 2 weeks, and then subsided, I then had three beautifull happy cheerfull undepressed days, and then I crashed back to normal.
I am tired and I feel old (just turned 27) I feel like there is no one to listen or understand. I am under soooo much stress from home, job, friends, finances. I really think that I am the closest ever to actually going through with it. Its very hard to explain: When I began seeing this shrink about 4 months ago, my hope was renewed to a new level, he had me convinced that a solution was right around the corner and "AHA I know whats wrong with you!!!"
That has not come to fruition and it has sapped ALL of my remaining hope. I cant think straight or remember anything, if this alone improved I would be much happier. Its not that I'm sad, Its that I'm neither, its like I just cant feel at all.

My latest dilema is existential: Do I stay here in Toronto and find a good paying job get a house, 1.7 kids, 1.9 cars e.t.c. doing the "responsible thing"
Follow my heart and take off to the Rocky's and find some quaint friendly lumber town and live a simple life moving from place to place doing whatever I feel like? I'm 27 and I have no idea what I want to do, I know what I dont want to do; be a part of the phony capitalist materialistic 'machine'.
I'm just rambling out thoughts, please dont feel compelled to read.
I hate life I hate people (of which I am one), I am almost ashamed to be human.

Where does one go to find themselves? church? spiritual renewal centre? Mountains? Does anyone know, or could anyone tell me what worked for them, please?





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