Posted by nightlight on November 26, 2001, at 7:49:06
In reply to Fear ? What is this can you help?Hi there everyone, posted by glenn on November 24, 2001, at 9:24:08
Dear Glenn~
I am no professional, but your description of your state of existence resonates with me, and the years I spent in low-grade depression, barely coping. I woke up up each a.m. with a feeling of dread, fear, anxiety. Fairly subtle (not a panic attack or anything) and I wd. have to drag myself thru preparations for my day. Get clean, presentable, tend the baby, (once she arrived). But I felt the same way when I was single. Try to get to work on time, try to stay alert enuf at work as to not appear to be the dulled/detached/inept/innervated person I felt like. Acting normal, performing as a real-life person felt (more than) a little overwhelming, even tho I always chose jobs that I figured wd. be fairly easy, so as not to put too much stress on myself-I could not handle too much responsibility, it freaked me out to think I might screw up and disappoint my boss, colleagues.But, the mixed state of fear/dread that I could not keep my end up, that all I wanted to do was go home, NOW, be safe, take a nap, rest, tend to a nagging chronic pain problem (which was intermittent, not daily) always seemed looming over my head during the daytime. Even when I became an at home mom/caregiver I had that feeling. But, when, night came, the babe was fed and in bed, ill mother was comfortable in her own bedroom, hubby was off to his nightshift-my mood would lift. I could lie on the sofa, watch old movies, read for hours (too many hours, avoiding going to sleep, because as the lights went out, I would begin to feel the dread of meeting my morning responsibilities and slogging thru another day). I could stuff my guilt feelings of personal inadequacy in the broom closet for a while!
Glenn, do you like your job? How is your energy level? Are you worried about something specific (besides the 'fear') that can be addressed straight on? Have you had a good medical examination in the past yr. or two?
Low energy, med'l challenges, relationship complexities & new resposibilities in my life all contributed to my dread/fear of going thru each day. At night, I cd. suppress much of this 'interference' and therefor, feel better for a few hours, because that was 'down-time' and I didn't feel guilty just doing nothing (at least nothing that taxed my mind/energy).
But, truly, I was depressed, anxious, unable to function properly and I eventually sank into a major depression, where I became almost useless. I cd. not work or function past 10% of my capability.
I went from doc to doc, over the yrs., tried many drugs and combos, am only now (many, many years later) somewhat better, at least working some,have some real hope for the future and I don't dread rising from my bed (that's the best part!). I'm working for 3 1/2 days a week. Only about 10 hrs. I have new docs, new meds. It's just a start. Meds that actually seem to help-yippee!
DO talk to a doctor, maybe someone new.Get a fresh evaluation. Diagnosis is so difficult. Have you taken any of the online diagnostic tests?Sounds like an anxiety disorder with depression leaking in. But, what do I know? *Some* anxiety is a part of life, but, how happy, serene can a man be when you have that jagged gray cloud hanging over your head all day? If it is interfering with your daily life (and it is...)you gotta keep asking questions and try to feel better.
Question: Do you feel the same way on days that you don't have to work? Just curious.
Well, time to get the kid up (past time!) and get us both off to preschool/work.
Bye for now. Hope ur day is a good one.Hope you feel better soon. Let us hear from you.
nightlight
Hi there everyone, I wonder if you can give me some suggestions and help.
> I live in the U.K and for about 5 years I have struggled with a problem which the doctors over here call depression but Im not so sure. Basically after a period of considerable pain and stress due to headaches, one day a feeling I can only describe as fear came over me and Ive struggled with it since that time. I dont have any suicidal thoughts, panic attacks or bad feelings about myself and no real physical symptoms such as sweating , rapid heart beat or palpitations.
> What I do have is a constant tension in my brain which is full of thoughts going on and on about my state of mind and a feeling I can best describe as fear. I beleive from reading other posts the
> thoughts may be ruminations?!
> I have tried doxepin, trazadone and remeron for months with no effect, paxil and zoloft made me worse very quickly.
> I know how it feels to be normal because every evening after about 8pm the feelings go away and my mind is calm and relaxed. I meditate and exercise regularly with little effect and dont have any compulsions.
> So I wonder if you could help firstly in giving me an idea of what I may be suffering from but most importantly have any of you experienced this and have you any ideas of what might help?
> Thankyou for any information you may have
> ps Ive just started librium for a few days but it doesnt seem to have made much difference yet.
poster:nightlight
thread:85036
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20011123/msgs/85176.html