Posted by Hattree on August 2, 2001, at 12:21:39
In reply to If it's not ADD then why do I ALWAYS SCREW up?, posted by Else on August 1, 2001, at 19:37:02
After one former shrink called me a "little chemist” I decided to to describe my symptoms using catchphrases I've read in books on ADD, but avoid actual mention of ADD or stimulants. Make the doctor think its HIS idea.
I got fired from more than my share of crappy jobs. I was one hopeless cashier and waitress. But when I do something I like well enough (in my case graphic design) and I'm not bored, I do a better job and my good qualities at least partially make up for my inattention.
Its a bitch though. Good luck getting the meds you need. And remember you aren't the only one making mistakes.
> I've been told by a very arrogant shrink once that ADD is something only little kids have. Granted not all medical professionals agree with him but where I live it is quite difficult for an adult to get treatment for ADD without being perceived as a vile and disgusting drug-seeker.
> Although I have never been diagnosed, I strongly believe I have ADD based on what I have read and tests I have taken. My current psychiatrist seems to be open to this diagnosis, but is still uncertain. Because it is so hard to get proper treatment for ADD, I convinced myself that my anxiety was responsible for my impulsiveness, forgetfullness, the fact that I act before I think, say things I shouldn't, etc... And it's true that GAD can cause similar symptoms to some extent. But now I am on Klonopin (2mg a day) and do not feel anxious at all. Yet I keep screwing up over and over and over. I cannot keep a job. All these stupid jobs everybody else seems capable of doing easily I just can't do. For instance, right now I am in some work re-insertion program. I work in a store. Today I was supposed to do inventary and I screwed up so badly. I got distracted all the time, had to start over, made mistake after mistake... And it's always like that. No mattter what job I do, I always seem to forget something, misunderstand the instructions and screw up in some way, even after I've been there for months. So today I did screw up and I am so depressed now because I figure, "If I can't do work that simple well there goes any chance I have at being a productive member of society". It's so humiliating that I can't do these things when every one else can. Nobody understands. They think I don't try hard enough but I try so hard and it doesn't work. I'm so sick of it. I've quit jobs because I was so sick of getting yelled at continuously because of all the things I forgot to do and all the mistakes I made. I've been fired repeatedly, of course. That had a lot to do with my depression. Well I took it easy for a while and felt much better about myself but now I am trying to re-enter the workforce and it's happenning again. I feel like I'm doomed to be on welfare for the rest of my life. But I'm smart and I don't want to spend everyday of my pathetic existence watching television from dusk till dawn. Right now I am on Wellbutrin which is supposed to help but really isn't helping at all. I know stimulants would help because I've taken them illegally. They clear up my mind. It's like my brain on Windex. But it's just not going to happen. I don't even dare ask my doctor. I feel like all I can do is resign myself or order drugs from overseas and spend 75% of my stupid government cheque on them and I probably wouldn't have enough anyway. I can't do that. I am so discouraged. I am so sick of being such a f***-up. Is this ADD? Can something be done? Are there other antidepressants I could take that would help and that my doctor wouldn't find so objectionable (not Effexor, I tried it). I just don't know what to do. I want to give up completely. Why even try if it's always going to be like this? Having a job is supposed to make you feel better about yourself but all it does is make me feel worthless.
poster:Hattree
thread:72972
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010731/msgs/73109.html