Posted by Cece on April 18, 2001, at 22:26:23
In reply to Re: Ruminating, posted by jrw on April 18, 2001, at 15:04:43
Hi J-
My summer depression relates also to heat and light- for me, the glare of a hot summer sun bouncing off a white wall, or city paving, is like being attacked. I have to withdraw and hide away. If I don't have to do much, I'm okay. But if I have to go out into the world, do complicated things, or even relatively simple things like figuring out how to schedule getting my car serviced - I'm a complete wreck and have to fake it and hope I won't get found out.
I live (in N. California) where the summers are dry, and the heat is mild compared to many other places. But we do get hot spells, and I really suffer. The dryness also bothers me- it is so unrelenting. I was a little kid in Washington, DC where there is plenty of summer heat and humidity.
I don't remember experiencing this before my first year of college. It has been with me since then (I am 52), although it took me many years to really see the pattern.
A change in weather helps my mood. If we get a rare summer rain here, my body relaxes. I feel better when the sky is clean and clear, rather than smoggy/hazy. Sometimes I ask myself 'is this some kind of allergy?'.
It is hard to tease this all apart and sort out past experience from some sort of innate physiological experience. Until last summer, I was positive that I had a seasonal affective disorder, just not the usual kind (i.e. winter). Then I had this flash of insight, or so it seemed, and I felt that I was getting flipped out because summer day camp was about to end and I'd be thrown into my parents' clutches unshielded.
But I'm confused: I can dredge up terrible childhood memories from any time of the year- so why is summer so potent? I think that there is some bodily chemical imbalance at work. And the fact that you mention weather as being key to you, is I think some kind of clue- I feel the same thing so strongly. But I don't have the answer, and unfortunately, I haven't found that pdocs are real interested in this. I wish I knew whether anyone is researching it anywhere.
The outstanding feature for me- although not the only important one- is the light, the bright cruel piercing light.
Best wishes,
Cece> Hi,
>
> I can relate to this summer seasonal depression...
> have had it for years. For me, I think it's a
> combination of bad summer memories and actual
> difficulty with heat, humidity, and sunny days.
>
> Would be interested in any insights anybody could
> share.
>
> Thanks,
>
> J
>
poster:Cece
thread:59425
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010417/msgs/60388.html