Posted by Tigerman on March 26, 2001, at 16:08:58
Apologies to all to have to add to the glut of posts already on this one but I'm questioning my reasoning behind asking my doc for Effexor xr, because of all the horror stories I've read since beginning 75mg four weeks ago.
I'm only posting now, because the last four weeks have been hell and only today has the light appeared just a little and brightened enough, to enable me to string anything together and to actually listen to some of my beloved cds and almost enjoy. Party on.Sure, I've been through paxil withdrawal before and it was only reading on this site that i discovered what this was with hindsight.
I weaned off of paxil 30mg June 2000 after about 6 months on, following previous dabblings since 1996. Paxil always worked for me.June to september were the happiest I'd ever been ( 4 months without meds)
This time, when the depression began biting Sept 2000 (you can feel it creeping up and maybe I should have remained on paxil for longer) i started on st john's wort (no effect-5 weeks) and then resumed paxil again october, starting on 15mg, increasing to 20mg nov and 30mg beginning of dec.
That's when my whole world fell apart.
I cracked up at work midweek, ran out of the building and hurtled downhill. By the weekend, I was in such a state of panic I was planning suicide just to escape this awful keyed up mess and all I could do was wimper and cling to my poor girlfriend. I tried taking the pain away by knocking myself out on a wall heater with my head (still got slight scar..and no, not proud!).
Next visit to doc he put me on lofepramine (TCA -UK only?) 2*70mg. Gave this 4 weeks. My god, the nausea, the nausea, the depression, the anxiety....3*70mg per day beginning of Jan, Still depressed as hell. Still contemplating, but not wanting to because of family and close ones. Amazingly, still making it to work, driving in streaming with tears, but I knew that if I surrendered I would really go under.
Using the occasional Valium (say 3/4 10mg a week, which knocks the edge off(is this dangerous?)
Obviously xmas was somewhere else and friends have stopped calling me. They know I don't want to talk to them anyway.
So effexor xr...just experienced the worst birthday of my life (34), but today was OK (when I eventually dragged myself out of bed), 4 weeks on. I could actually think relatively clearly and speak the odd sentence rather than lock myself in my office quivering.
So, do I up the dose, stick with the same or switch back to paxil. (research shows that I've picked the two scariest?)
There's a lot of anxiety and social phobia in there and I ruminate for England.
At this stage, although at the back of my mind, the side effect/withdrawal nightmare is lurking, i feel that this is preferable to throwing myself off the nearest pylon.
Is there an alternative i should consider at this relatively early stage and does the fact that I have experienced relatively few side effects(save occasional headache) bode well?
I tried augmenting the lofepramine with the paxil but this lasted 4 days before i looped the loop.
I keep mentioning paxil because I felt so 'myself' on this and it disturbed me when It failed this time around, although I have never been this depressed before. Maybe it was not strong enough?
Anybody who got this far, deserves a medal.
Thanks for your timeI realise that some of you are on a far greater cocktail than me and have lost jobs , relationships etc, through this horrible illness and I 'm lucky in this respect (so far), but believe me I have been so very close over the last 6 months.
Any advice welcomed
Everyone take care and I wish you all the best
poster:Tigerman
thread:57606
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010319/msgs/57606.html