Posted by Lisa Simpson on January 19, 2001, at 10:34:50
Hello everyone.
Please, someone help me. I'm in desperate need of someone to talk to, like a psychotherapist or, preferably, a psychiatrist, as he has to be trained as a doctor first, so would understand my medical conditions as well. But I'm not sure how to do this as I live in England. Must I be referred by my GP if I want to get help under the NHS? My doctor referred to me a private psychotherapist, who I'm sure is very good, but charges £90 a session, which I cannot afford! If there is anyone out there who could give me some advice on finding some help under the NHS, I'd really appreciate it. I feel as if I'm slowly going out of my mind. My GP doesn't really understand - for instance, with panic attacks he feels that I should just be able to "pull myself together" and use willpower to stop them. Which is not possible, as far as I can see! He also doesn't have the time to listen to all the funny things going through my mind at the moment. I drink myself into oblivion every night so I can get some sleep. I tried several times to stop drinking, but I just can't keep it up. I need someone on my side to help me. My husband has trouble dealing with my medical problems (I have asthma and ulcerative colitis), and he certainly can't deal with any mental problems. He is as stable as they come, and he really doesn't understand why I do the things I do. He said to me "if you don't like yourself very much, why should I?", which really, really hurt me. Eight years ago when I found out I was pregnant (a surprise) I can't remember his exact words, but it something along the lines of running a hot bath, getting a bottle of gin and a knitting needle. His idea of a joke. Not the sort thing you want to be told at that time in your life. And all the time I was pregnant, he took hardly any interest in us. I went to prenatal sessions on my own. I did everything on my own. It was almost as if I wasn't pregant at all, for all the interest he took. Mind you, he adores her now - she is a lovely beautiful girl, with huge brown eyes and a lovely, generous character.
Please, if there is anyone who can offer some help, I'd really appreciate it. If it wasn't for the fact I have a 8 year old daughter who loves me (and she is the only one who does), I don't feel there would be any point in me staying on this planet. But I wouldn't want to upset her. My husband would probably be relieved that he didn't have me and my problems hanging round his neck any more. When I nearly died two years ago from pneumonia, I read a letter he'd written on the computer to a friend telling him I was seriously ill. And his only concern was being left on his own to bring up a 6 year old girl. There was no concern for me in the letter. I was in the States at the time, with my boss and his wife, and they offered to fly him out to see me in hospital, as they didn't think I would survive beyond a couple of days. But he didn't want to go.
Look, I'm really sorry to load you all up with this rabbiting on, but I'm feeling kinda sorry for myself today (as you can probably see!) But if anyone in the UK knows how I can get some help, please tell me. Please.
A very miserable Lisa
poster:Lisa Simpson
thread:52015
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010111/msgs/52015.html