Posted by allisonm on November 11, 2000, at 8:05:54
In reply to @#$%^*, posted by Andre Allard on November 8, 2000, at 23:49:57
> I feel that I am unlucky that I am alive if anyone was wondering. > >
For a very long time I have been sorry that I was born, resolute that I never should have been born. If I had had a say in the matter, knowing what I know now, I am not sure that I would have chosen to be born. But it's all a moot point. I'm here. I hate being here sometimes. I am trying hard to find a way to like being here because I still see and feel things that I like about this world and I keep hoping, seeing other people happy in this world, that I will find a way to end this depression so that I can feel more at ease and happy.
> Although my family knows about my hospital stays and my depression in general, they do not know any details. > >Can you talk to them? Are they supportive?
> Except for doctors and nurses, nobody knows about my 3 suicide attempts in the last 2 months.
Why?
> I am currently on effexor 150mg/day and trazadone 100mg/day. It is working I guess you could say. > >
It sounds as though it isn't really, or not as well as it should.
> The pdoc I spoke to when I was in the hospital this weekend did not want me to make an appointment with him because (I have seen him for the last 2 years when I have been here at school) he believes that he cannot treat me due to the fact that I change meds and the dosages around without his conscent - I do not know why I need it anyways. He told me to get a referal from my school doctor so I suppose that is what I will do. My school doctor gives me effexor anyways so I do not see how a pdoc can help. > >I have found a pdoc that I can trust and who knows his stuff. I would not be here were it not for him. Finding the right doctor can make all the difference in the world. I hope you can find the energy to find a good pdoc who cares and who you can trust and rely on to help.
> I am still waiting for zyprasidone to come out.It might be better to deal with what's here right now. It sounds as though in your situation with three suicide attempts, that you cannot wait for zyprasidone.
> In the mean time, I am living. If something happens to me, well, I do not really care.
I care. Please take care of yourself, Andre. Death is too permanent a solution to an impermanent illness.
Allison
poster:allisonm
thread:48316
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20001102/msgs/48662.html