Posted by Mark H. on September 12, 2000, at 19:41:39
In reply to Re: Eternal Victim Converts Rescuers to Persecutors » Mark H., posted by Vesper on September 12, 2000, at 17:45:01
Dear Vesper,
At the risk of being taken in by the sincerity of your reply, I’ll respond to your questions in order:
“What question did I not give a straight answer to?”
From Shar:
1.) What are you willing to do to resolve this situation?
2.) Are you willing to call your pdoc and tell him or her all of this?
3.) Are you willing to go to the ER and let them know?
4.) Are you willing to get hospitalization?
5.) Are you willing not to do anything?That was from her first paragraph. You could start by answering each of them. Then later, she suggested/asked (and remember, not every question ends with a question mark):
6.) Will you call a trusted friend and take his advice?
7.) Will you stop drinking and taking Ativan?
8.) Will you stop cutting yourself?
9.) Will you seek some help?Gordon offered his opinion that waiting it out was not a good idea. He suggested/asked:
10.) Will you find someone to stay with you?
James effectively asked,
10.) How can you take 30mg of Ativan and some alcohol “over the past day” and still be coherent?
11.) Is something else going on here?TomV asked,
12.) People bare their souls on this page; are you bearing your own?
Alicefranklin suggested/asked,
13.) Will you go to your doctor immediately and tell him/her exactly what you took?
Whether asked as direct questions, as by Shar and TomV, or whether as implied questions, it would be minimally polite and responsive to offer your answer and explanations to each of the dozen or so items listed above.
“Who threatened suicide? I simply did something which I regret and was looking for feedback.”
Vesper, responding to other people’s concerns, questions and advice by writing, “I like the feeling of kind of slipping away like this into unreality. Somebody shooting me now while I’m not looking would be good” not only shows your disregard for their time and interest in you, but also clearly states a desire to die. Taken together with your admission of having cut yourself and your many past expressions of suicidal ideation, a reasonable person will take your statement to be a suicide threat.
Also, after receiving unanimous opinions that what you’ve done is seriously dangerous, how is someone supposed to interpret your follow-up question: “I mean, if I take more, will it build up?” Why would you take more if, as you claim, you regret what you already took? Do you understand how your question effectively spits in the face of every person who has ever offered you support on this list?
“Who became hurt and withdrawn? I simply clarified my position.”
In replying to TomV you wrote, “I have no interest in playing games, and if you think that’s what I’m doing, [then] I will not do any more posts.” I’ll limit my quoted examples to this thread, but I remember many times in the past when you’ve threatened to leave in response to comments that were even remotely critical of your behavior towards yourself or others, and this is another example.
“While I agree with some of the things you said, they are easier said than done, and if I can’t be perfect at them, are you saying I should stay off this list? Just wondering. This is not a flame or anything, just a request for clarification.”
Thank you for your questions and your lack of animosity. To clarify, I agree that the things I’ve mentioned, and that many people on this list have struggled with and accomplished, are far easier said than done. I do not expect you to be perfect. I do not think you should leave this list, for any reason.
But regret is not enough. You also need to commit to change and to getting well. Your pattern of showing up on the list to tell us that you’ve hit bottom, been kicked out of a program for non-compliance, are desperate and want to die, that you’ve overdosed on Ativan three times in the last 48 hours or so and wonder what the effect would be of taking more, and asking for advice and feedback that you neither acknowledge nor respond to in any meaningful way CREATES the abandonment that you experience. St. James is generally the soul of compassion and patience. What does it mean that such a kind person feels he has to give up on you and put his energy and attention elsewhere?
Start by answering people’s questions directly and honestly, which will show respect for their efforts and help you to clarify what you are willing to change about yourself. Keep the agreements you make. Commit to getting well and to keeping your appointments. Make staying sober and not hurting yourself your top priority.
Vesper, when you begin the path of healing and start sharing your successes and your progress, your newfound impulse control, your commitment to practicing harmlessness when you feel like hurting yourself, and take an active interest in the healing of others, hundreds of people on this list will be inspired and uplifted by your efforts.Best wishes,
Mark H.
poster:Mark H.
thread:44627
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000905/msgs/44715.html