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Re: Procrastination Syndrome?

Posted by brian on May 29, 2000, at 14:02:01

In reply to Re: Procrastination Syndrome?, posted by medlib on May 29, 2000, at 13:05:22

> Mark et al--
>
> Procrastination is my defining personal characteristic; a lifetime of practice has honed it into the very essence of my dysfunction. Typically, I have even procrastinated on posting about procrastination!
>
> I have recognized truth in every post on this thread; it's fascinating that we each approach procrastination differently. Maybe it should be viewed as a syndrome--one set of behaviors, with similar results, which can be triggered by many different causes.
>
> For me, it is very, very difficult to begin what I cannot finish.
>
> As a child, I learned very early that my parents viewed their role as "helping" me to improve upon whatever I did. My mother used to relate with a kind of baffled pride that, as a toddler, I was too "stubborn" to talk; she knew I could, because she often overheard me practicing speaking in my room. She never saw the sadness in that. Whatever I accomplished or became *always* led to expectations of more, or better. When I was successful in skipping the first grade, it was not accepted as "enough." They immediately began looking for evidence that I "needed" to skip another grade--so I skipped the fourth grade as well. Academically, it was just as successful; socially, it was a complete disaster.
>
> Naturally, it occurred to me that projects which were never completed successfully could not serve as launching pads for more projects. Similarly, there could be no pressure to finish what had not yet been started. Eventually, I learned to protect myself with procrastination; the potential failure embedded in every success could be avoided by simply postponing success.
>
> I need not ever be truly impoverished if I avoid paying the bills. I need not risk failure in a professional job if I never quite graduate. (Once, I completed a degree program and never filed for the diploma.)
>
> To me, "potential" is a four-letter word; it robs my present of its rewards. Ultimately, if "I am" is not sufficient, "I will be" can have no reality. I buried my mother eighteen months ago; I allowed her to bury me much earlier.
>
> Medlib--in mourning for both of us.


Here's something I've noticed. Having insight into why I procrastinate doesn't stop me from continuing to do so. I can sit in my room, thinking, "I've gotta clean up a little." But I put it off, sometimes until it is too unbearable to stand the mess. The same is true with work. I procrastinate, often creatively. I become interested in other things, or obsess over psychological symptoms, get suddenly sleepy -- whatever. The point is this: procrastination isn't the same as being unaware. I am very aware when I'm procrastinating.

But there's some breakdown in the planning/execution process. Where does this happen? What part of me, for example, consciously notices the collecting mess on my desk, then "decides" not to pick it up before it accumulates into a disaster? Why do I become sleepy in the middle of large projects? Why can the smallest, simplest parts of large projects seem so daunting?

I can find answers to these questions, and I can even change my reactions, temporarily. But there's a larger pattern at play. How do I apply procrastination-breaking techniques such as making lists, etc, when the very act of doing so seems impossible to do consistently?

It's very frustrating. Any suggestions?



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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000526/msgs/35115.html