Posted by Tina1 on May 25, 2000, at 21:21:39
In reply to feelings, posted by boBB on May 25, 2000, at 17:42:03
Your posts lately have a decidedly less aggressive tone. Have things improved in your neck of the woods? How are you doing these days? --Tina
> Kelly,
>
> I don't want to take sides in your personal relationship by presuming that your husband is putting things on you by yelling and talking down. He might very well be, but for all I know, the conflict is mutual. But if he is part of your problem, and he cares about you, he should be willing to get into some guided mutual self-exploration such as family or marital counciling. I have been very burned by divorce where I was held responsible for someone elses feelings of frustration, so I don't want to instigate divorce, especially not knowing who else might be involved, like maybe children. And I really don't know if you have access to any kind of qualifed counseling situation, but my point is, you can't wear this all yourself.
>
> If you need to get away, work on that. Maybe the relationship is abusive, but I see enough of that in court to know that sometimes the primary agressor is not the only antagonist. At any rate, if that is the problem, you can either ask him to persue mutual counseling, or at least to acknowledge how his style weighs on your feelings. Suicidal feelings are real, and can be dangerous, but we can't let them be a reason we don't confront our problematic relationships. If you need some time away, there are crisis centers that help (mostly) women in most communities. You can tend to fall into a set of one-sided assumptions at those places, but they do offer some sort of refuge if you have no other way to get a reprieve from your situation. I don't want to rattle that cage. Maybe this is something he can help you with, or that you can work out between yourselves if you are lucky.
>
> I know what you say about approaching doctors. I hate going to the dentinst, not for the pain, but because I resent their income level and way of life and I don't like being put off for two months to get an appointment. Maybe this dentist won't ridicule me for not liking radiographic diagnosis, but prior experiences are enough to make me reluctant. Many just don't seem to get that it is my body and my decision what kind of therapy I will allow.
>
> Good luck to you and to your family,
> boBB
poster:Tina1
thread:34648
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000517/msgs/34680.html