Posted by Mark H. on May 25, 2000, at 11:11:52
In reply to Re: Serious interjection, posted by Noa on May 25, 2000, at 7:34:56
Hi Noa,
I'm trying to "talk" less during this archival period to see what I learn about myself and the interactions here. I'm certainly guilty of becoming far too involved and obsessive about our collective exchanges at times.
What I've noticed -- and I'll resist generalizing -- is that I spend too much time editorializing about external manifestations of my internal issues, and too little time here talking about myself, about what I'm experiencing inside.
I've always tended to teach what I need most to learn, and when I started inviting more dialog with self-identified schizophrenics here, it seemed obvious that I was only going to learn more and communicate well if they were willing to stop telling me about the dangers of electromagnetic energies and start telling me what it was like to be them. What I didn't immediately see is that I was and am doing the same thing -- clouding my hurt, my confusion, my issues -- by ranting about circumstances outside myself rather than talking about what it's like to be me. Often, it seems, the more hurt and afraid I feel, the less I want to talk about me, unless I really stop to think about what we're doing here -- in other words, just what you're asking.
Most of my adult life, in one way or another, I have been a tough and outspoken critic of injustice. I can get pretty righteous at times. What I want you to know is that I was hurt as a teenager -- that school administrators basically drove me to the very brink of suicide by punishing me for actions that were not illegal, just inappropriate in their eyes. Whenever you see me go for the jugular of situation in which I perceive injustice, you're really seeing a very frightened 16 year old Mark who is still angry that adults often ignore the law and the dignity of children. Often my rant, however superficially rational, is internally a jumbled mess -- a 50 year old advocate using his legal experience and knowledge to cover the hurt and shame inside and to punish some long-gone, worn-out school employees from the 60s who were wrong but doing what they knew to do. It stings like hell for me to write this.
Thanks Noa.
Much love,
Mark
poster:Mark H.
thread:33538
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000517/msgs/34599.html