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Re: ECT

Posted by Adam on May 16, 2000, at 21:28:26

In reply to ECT, posted by Nancy on May 10, 2000, at 15:18:15


I have received ECT. I got eight successive treatments over a span
of about two weeks.

Where I got treated (Mass. General Hospital), it was like being in
an assembly line. They wheeled us all to the OR, which was this
enormous room filled with multiple stations, like maybe it could be
used to do tens of surgeries simultaneously if there was a huge
disaster. There was only one doctor and anaestesiologist performing
the proceedure, however, so we had to wait our turn, many of us
even spilling a bit into the hallway outside.

I wasn't supposed to, but one time, when I was in the OR, I sat up
and looked over. I couldn't see much, but from my perspective, the
person receiving the current barely moves. Hardly remeniscent of
the Hollywood depictions.

I was injected with a general anaesthetic and muscle relaxants. They
burned when they entered my arm, and that was the extent of the
discomfort (besides lying there for what seemed like an eternity with
nothing to do but stare at the ceiling while others ahead of me got
their treatments). Later on I woke up with a bit of goop in my hair
from the gel they use to aid conductance from the electrodes. I
usually woke up without any obvious difficulties. One time, though,
I did, shortly after regaining consciousness, develop a vicious
headache that took a really big hunk of ibuprofrin to relieve. The
attending remarked "Jeez, everybody's got a headache. They must have
really turned up the juice today."

After about the fifth or sixth treatment, I felt remarkably better.
It was astonishing. I had been through a terrifying episode that I
still find difficult to explain, and suddenly I was feeling happier
and calmer than I had in years. I think my mood could even approach
elation soon after I finished. Strangely, I felt I had a "normal"
range of emotions. By that I mean I felt "alive" and able to be happy
and sad, scared and at ease, all in the right measure. I wondered if
this was what "normal" people felt like.

Shortly afterward I was discharged as an inpatient, and started to
attend the Hospital's "Partial Program" sessions, which are part of
the transitional period post-hospitilization.

It was during this time I started to notice the memory lapses. I was
asked at one point the name of my last psychiatrist (who had kind of
dumped me after I entered MGH), and couldn't come up with his name.
It was just gone. I had a difficult time recalling what the date was
that I entered the hospital, even though I had written it on various
forms about a gazillion times. I had absolutely no recollection of a
conversation I had with another one of the inpatients, several days
earlier, when we had made plans to meet after we both were discharged.
To my utter suprise I had her address in a notebook, and she asked me
for mine again, since she had lost it. It was like I was seeing that
page for the first time. A couple weeks later I was at my parent's
house. My sister was talking about meeting me down in Boston, and asked
me if there were any good restaurants. "How about that Italian Place
we went to in the North End?" my mother chimed in. I had no clue what
she was talking about. She had to take me aside later and ask if I
remembered the night my parents visited me in the hospital and we all
went out to eat. I remembered them visiting, but as far as the great
meal I had goes, I didn't remember anything about it, and still don't.

Later, I think some of the memories came back, or, rather, things I would
encounter triggered feelings of recognition that were so powerful it
sent chills down my spine, but I had no clue why I was reacting in such
a way. A short while after my visit to my parents' place, I was strolling
around the neighborhood where I had apparently eaten out with them, and
passed a restaurant I had "never" been in. I was transfixed by the room
I saw through the window, and stood there for a good five minutes trying
my hardest to bring back something. I could not, except that I felt
rather than knew I had been there, and that this must have been the place
my parents and I had eaten. I still don't know for certain, since they
couldn't remember the name themselves, and only vaguely could describe
the location.

All of this was, in a word, creepy. As I mentioned above, to this day
there are things I just don't remember about that time, and my memory for
some things (especially names and directions) is so poor these days I
confess I have wondered if there were long-term effects, despite the
reams of scientific papers discounting claims of permanent dammage from
ECT. From my own experience, I hope these studies are correct, but I do
have my doubts at times. I just don't feel I've been the same, but
there could be many other reasons for what I am experiencing.

The positive effects of ECT didn't last. After a failed trial of Celexa
and a more prolonged, also unsuccessful trial of Remeron, I was again
quite depressed. I'd say the real benefit lasted from three to five
weeks and then just faded.

I am glad ECT is there. I know, if all else fails, I responded to that,
and can go back to it if I have to. There is certainly something to be
said for an utter lack of persistant physical side effects coupled with
the positively wonderful change in mood. However, I found the amnesia,
and the fears of more lasting effects on memory, to be quite distressing,
and I'd rather not experience that again. If I were to receive similar
treatments on a monthly basis, I can imagine I would have to keep a
diary, because otherwise I would forget so many things people around me
would start to think I was demented.

It's a useful way to treat depression. For some, it's the only effective
and/or tolerable way to deal with their illness. When one has hit rock
bottom, I can't imagine a better way to accelerate their recovery than
ECT. But in my oppinion its use should be limited to those special cases.
It may not have any permanent effects, but I really do have to wonder. I
don't want it again, unless I absolutely have to have it. Some may feel
differently.

I hope this is helpful.


> Has anyone received ECT? If so, what was it like? Why did you participate? What were the effects before and after? Would you recommend one to have ECT?
> Nancy


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:Adam thread:33082
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33717.html