Posted by bob on May 15, 2000, at 23:57:28
In reply to Re: Claire, Get a Grip, posted by Mark H. on May 15, 2000, at 23:16:36
Now Mark, when you go pointing fingers, there's always three pointing back at you.
Give Claire a break for being someone who's probably new to this. As she said herself, she's mostly been lurking. There are a lot of folks out there who never do more than that. Even as "anonymous" as this may seem, and as gregarious as some of us may act, you've got to take a step back and ask yourself about how those who *do* lurk or who *are* new to this form of communication see things -- especially frequent (and long-winded) posters like you and me, Mark.
I personally hated to see Fred blocked as well. Although his statements did get malicious, I think he was too focused on his own pain and experiences to recognize what was going on. And, quite frankly, none of us who knew better did anything to stop it (Janice, as a participant, doesn't count as part of the "none of us"). Sure, maybe stepping in to try and referee things may have made no difference in what was said. All the same, it wasn't done.
I do think it sends a chilling message to those who have been waiting to test the waters. From my perspective, it was easy enough to understand WHY it HAD to happen, but I've been active on this board for a year now. I've also participated in similar sorts of boards going back to discussion groups on mainframes for the last 15 years. I've seen a lot of ugliness perpetuated because no one stepped in to take action.
Perhaps one of us should have jumped in to stop the escalation. Last time I did that, I was appointed the board's "self-appointed referee" ... so maybe I hesitated in a situation that I thought could have been stopped. I'm not saying I feel all that guilty about the end result. But I *am* saying that maybe part of being compassionate here is for us to step in before Dr. Bob *has* to take action.
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To Claire, and others who may feel as she does:
You can visit other web boards that are supposed to be "support groups." In many, if not most, you'll find character assassination and indiscriminant flaming to be common. We had an episode just a short time ago when someone known from other boards tried to spread some of his own brand of nasty here. That was the event, from my point of view, that initiated the registration system and the blocking policy.
People who have been around to other boards on the web have called this a haven BECAUSE people are civil here. Sure, things *do* get heated at times, but by far the majority of those times end in people apologizing, citing crankiness from meds to just plain stupidity.
And, for those who haven't been here long, you can either take my word for it or go back in the archives and read for yourself: Dr. Bob is extremely hands-off when it comes to moderating this board. For him to take such an action, the cause HAD to be extreme. (I imagine that's why Mark thought certain statements made recently were "silly".) Plus, if you've been around long enough to get to know him from his own posts, you'd know that this sort of extreme measure is the last thing in the world that he would want to do.
I'm sure he's "lost more sleep" over it than any of us have.
All the same, go to the top of the main Babble page and read the ground rules. We're all guests here -- this is not Herald's Square or something of the sort. Our host works his tail off to maintain this board -- if you can't imagine how hard, try it yourself sometime ... learn HTML, learn JavaScript, learn Perl, then run this show, and don't forget that this is in addition to your regular job -- so I think the least we can do is to honor his wishes when it comes to civility.
... and maybe some cooler heads should step in when the next heated situation arises -- BEFORE Dr. Bob has to take action.
my two cents,
bob
poster:bob
thread:33538
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33551.html