Posted by KarenB on May 10, 2000, at 11:57:01
In reply to Re: Elephant..., posted by JudithC on May 10, 2000, at 5:44:06
Dear Lisa,
I have to agree with Judith. Weight and appearance are very real issues and it sounds like you want change as much as he wants you to. Words spoken in anger, though, are often harsher than what we truly need, which is encouragement and acceptance. But, is it wrong for your husband to want you to be the best you can be? I think not. BTW, I would not categorize your husband as a "verbal abuser" because he made a careless choice of words in anger. If this is an ongoing problem, yes...but I think we have ALL said stupid things to those we love when anger was doing the talking. The most important thing you can do for yourself and him regarding this is resolve to FORGIVE HIM for what he said, and go on. OR...you can resolve to resent him and grow bitter...and fatter for it. It's up to you.
Weight is not just a vanity issue, either - it's a health issue. I know too, that when on meds that are not working, exercise is the last thing I want to do. Cooking and eating well is not easy, either, as I just don't have the energy.
My husband and I put the kids in their double stroller and go for a fast, kick-butt walk as often as we can after he gets off work. It's a great time to have the conversation I so need with him and we are doing something positive for our bodies - and minds - together. These walks are usually over and hour and some of the best quality time we spend. We have also been getting up at 7:00 am lately, before the kids are awake, and doing a few minutes devotion and then a 1/2 hour toning video together. This is great stuff, for our relationhip, our spiritual life and our bodies.
I suggest you humble yourself (I realize this is not a popular concept) and tell your husband you are truly sorry that your illness has been a burden to him. It is beyond your control but it really IS a burden. We underestimate sometimes the effect our suffering has on those who love us and feel so powerless to help. Powerlessness leads to frustration which leads to...ANGER. BUT, you need his love and support, NOT his condemnation, in order to be well and have a healthy marriage. I think you need to tell him that.
Him walking and exercising with you can make him your partner on your road to wellness. He may not feel so powerless if he is part of the solution.
Sorry this is so long but I really wanted to encourage you that YOU CAN DO IT. And you will feel better and be better for it.
Karen
poster:KarenB
thread:32372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33052.html