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Re: To Shar - thank you!

Posted by Brenda on May 10, 2000, at 11:10:29

In reply to Brenda--I think one day at a time is it..., posted by shar on May 9, 2000, at 21:03:52

> YES, YES, YES! With "all" my years, I do have strong cravings to drink at times, more when stressed out. Since my divorce two years ago, it's become very common to REALLY WANT TO DRINK. I guess I just accept the cravings.
>
> I think it might help you if you could let your sobriety be a source of Pride for you. That you have accomplished something VERY difficult, and very worthwhile, and you are proud of yourself for it. (Without your 20 years, I bet you wouldn't have 40 rosebushes.)
>
> You've chosen a path that is to your benefit, not to your detriment; that is something to be (very) proud of, too. It can take monumental effort to do what you've done! It's a MAJOR accomplishment.
> Hooray for you!!
>
> I know that although drinking was an effective survival mechanism for years, it will not get me the life I want right now. I'm very grateful to be sober. I heard an AAer say once "I don't want what I deserve, I want mercy!!" We don't act in very "deserving" ways when we're drunk/high/stoned...remember?
>
> So, I am very careful, and I don't take that first drink, because I am firmly convinced it would not be long until I was back in the saddle again. (I know I have another drunk in me, but I don't know that I have another sober in me.)
>
> It's really (for me) a one day, one hour, one whatever, at a time. I tell myself the craving will pass, I keep myself out of bars, etc. And, I always get my yearly chip. I rarely go to meetings, but my chips are very important to me!
>
> Do you get yours? And I've kept my very first desire chip. They're all a very physical, here and now symbol of how hard I've worked and what I've attained, and I don't want to lose that.
>
> You sound like you know how it is. And, you're still sober (yeaaaa!!) and you are a good alcoholic (like me and a million others) who has the desire to drink at times. No shame in that.
>
> Shar
>
>
> > Shar, I'm curious - I haven't been to a meeting in years - I have almost 20 yrs. clean/sober - Do you find you still have the desire at times to medicate your depression with alcohol? I quit when I was just 25 y.o., and at 44 I still find the urge when the pain is soooo bad or I'm sooo overwhelmed to pick up a drink - and this is with 11 yrs. of therapy and AD's. BTW, I have a 24 y.o. son, 4 dogs, 2 cats, 40 rosebushes, a husband in law school fulltime and my own business. Any help you can offer would be wonderful.
> > Thanks, Brenda

Shar, Thanks for your reply. I printed it out to keep with me. I have my first "chip" and want to go for my 20th in December. I forget that it is an accomplishment, and to tell myself "good work" when I don't take that drink in moments of pain. Talk about crazy - I will jump to thoughts of death before taking that drink. It can be difficult as my husband drinks occasionally (for relief from his stress) and I can get pretty resentful about it. One thing I have learned from him is to take care of myself FIRST. I guess I'm rambling a bit. Thanks so much. BTW - I'm on the west coast.
Brenda


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