Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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husband problems (long)

Posted by allisonm on March 15, 2000, at 21:46:22

In reply to Feeling better (thanks!).. But husband problems, posted by NIkkiT on March 15, 2000, at 8:39:27

My ex-husband said he understood and was all for whatever treatment I sought out for my depression, no matter the cost -- he said.

But I found over time that he had no idea what I was dealing with. He could not relate at all. There was one time when we got into a horrible fight in January of 98. It got to a point where the only way I could see out was to throw myself into the icy outlet to the lake that we lived near. It was just down the street. I set out for it, pretty much intending to jump/wade into the deep part of the outlet and let the current take me out and under. My husband followed me, caught me, would not leave me alone, would not let me go. He pulled me back to the house -- sobbing because I didn't want to go back. I was not cold at all when I was outside, but started shaking and weeping when we got home. It was all I could do to sit on the couch and try to focus enough to keep some composure and sit upright. I was sitting there staring at the floor as hard as I could when my husband asked me if I wanted to go out to eat. I hardly had the words. It took a lot of energy just to whisper the word "no."

Our marriage was collapsing. Maybe I saw it coming and didn't recognize it. Maybe that's partly why the depression set in, although I think I had had it for years. It just had worsened. It became clear that winter that we had grown apart.

My husband was very paranoid about my going to see my psychiatrist every week. He thought I was talking about him (I was, of course) and he wanted to know what I was saying and what my doctor was saying.

By spring he had started saying things like "I think you're going to be depressed for the rest of your life" or "Your attitude about yourself (fat, ugly, stupid) makes me love you less." By May he'd decided he didn't love me anymore and then had started complaining about his own depression symptoms (sleeplessness, weight loss) as though he'd just discovered they'd existed. As if he were the first person in the world to ever have them.

By June he'd decided on the second meeting with the marriage counselor that he wasn't willing to work on the marriage. That was the end. We had been married 12 years. He moved out in July 98. By October 98 he'd bought a condo with a woman from work. The divorce was final in mid-December of 99. They were married immediately.

So I have no happy ending or good advice. There are several web sites that describe depression well. Check Dr. Bob's links.

One thing I have found helpful in explaining depression to friends is William Styron's book Darkness Visible. I have bought several copies for people. I was reading it about the time my husband was moving out. I would have asked him to read it, but I was too angry and probably would have just hit him over the head with it instead.





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