Posted by Deb R on February 6, 2000, at 22:28:55
In reply to Re: Depression and procreation - Deb, posted by Adam on February 5, 2000, at 13:11:30
Hi Adam,
A few thoughts in response to your post...> In a way, having the responsibility of another life to keep him on the
> straight and narrow has done more to help my brother than anything elseI wish my Sister had a child/children, as it would encourage her to focus on someone other than herself. That sounds harsh I know, but it is the truth as I see it.
> I don't know how else to say it: My family is a mess in a number of ways,
> and I fear sometimes it always will be.I understand your fears as I have them too, funnily enough not with my kids, but with my siblings and Mum.
>I mean, it's a horror show sometimes. My father used to smack
> me silly when I got out of line myself, and I guess he got pummelled as a
> kid worse than I ever dreamed of getting.I also witnessed many horrors, my father beating my Mother, his alcoholism, us kids getting slapped around. My father seemed to get some sort of pleasure out of making us cry, then hugging us to make it all better....very confusing for a child to have the person that smacks you around, then hugging you. Bizarre to say the least.
> It's not the greatest heritage. I look back at it all, and, not to pat
> myself on the back too hard, but I don't know where the hell I came from.I guess it is not a family history we would choose given the choice, but I do know I am happy to be here...if I was where you are now, I would pat you on the back, you are a survivor and a fighter and they are great gifts Adam. You can pass on those gifts, and more, if you decide to have kids one day.
> I've often thought it was my responsibility to society not to allow even the
> risk of such a replay to occur. Of course, that comes at the cost of my own
> future relationships and perhaps happiness.I guess you could be a bit clinical here and weigh up those risks 'percentage-wise'. We take risks every day just crossing the road, or driving a car. I have an irrational fear of flying and someone pointed out to me that 'percentage-wise' I have more chance of being kicked in the head by a donkey in my backyard, than I have of being killed whilst flying in a plane. I guess that sounds a bit flippant, and it is certainly different than a decision to have children.
> Do I dare presume that I can break the chain in any other way than being
> the last link?Yes, if that is what you want to do. The chain of your ancestry can also grow stronger with your children - you could add a few links!
> These are the thoughts that keep me up at night, sometimes. I don't think any
> antidepressant can cure this stuff. I wonder if anything can.I guess I sound very 'pro' kids don't I. Hope I don't sound as though I am preaching or something Adam. I just want you to know that I am glad I have children and that it has worked out for someone like me, with a similar family history as yours.
Deb.
poster:Deb R
thread:20155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000128/msgs/20666.html