Posted by Dee on September 29, 1999, at 22:22:39
In reply to Re: My old friend depression..., posted by Janice on September 29, 1999, at 21:33:12
I went years and years without treatment, and only now - after destroyed careers and relationships, drug addiction, self loathing, and all the wrong behavior and attitudes that accumulated when I was trying to keep the pain away, I finally got help and got on AD's. I come from a culture where the suffering through life is sort of glorified, and I was struggling with feelings of guilt for some time, as I felt that I was 'drugging' myself, that I wasn't willing to carry my share of the load..
I don't feel that way any more - I feel that the medicines offer me a foundation to stand on, so I can take responsibility of my own life - so that I can start the hard work of correcting all the improper behaviors and attitudes. The medicines have stopped my downfall of not being able to consistently take care of myself, not being able to keep a job for more than a few months at the time, for needing to move to a new city every year hoping that I could leave the pain behind, etc.. For the first time I can be truly responsible about my life - I don't need lovers to prove that I am loveable, and eventually to take care of me when I am too sick to do it myself.
I do not promote medicine, if anyone can get well without, I am glad they can. I can not.The depression and anxiety for me are like a pain: they are indicators that something is wrong, and I have to act on it. Like when I put my hand in fire, the pain tells me to pull it out. Sometimes, though, the pain gets too much, and instead of initializing an action it paralyzes us and prevents us from taking the correct action. This is how I look to my disorder: I am not trying to medicate my feelings, when bad things happen I am supposed to feel sad, even depressed. When I am scared, I am supposed to feel some anxiety as a sign that I need to do something about the situation. But when the anxiety and depression get so oppressive that all I can do is cry or hide in my room for weeks and months, which is no longer good for me. It is that paralyzing and unproductive pressure that I am medicating, not my feelings.
I am not trying to tell you that you should or should not get on meds. I only wanted to let you know how I came to the decision, and how I feel about the medication. This was a very hard decision for me, too, and it wasn't until after weeks that I came to understand for sure that I had made the right decision for me. Only advice I can offer you is to try to stay informed about your condition in general, and the medicines you consider in particular. Most knowledge that I have gained is from the folks in this board.
Whatever you do, you don't have to be alone in this ride
Good luck
DeeBTW what is ADHD?
(Do yall think my posts are too long... I get carried away at times.)
poster:Dee
thread:12265
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990914/msgs/12277.html