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Re: eye movement desensitization-? for Toby

Posted by DL on July 16, 1999, at 9:04:43

In reply to Re: eye movement desensitization-? for Toby, posted by Toby on July 9, 1999, at 12:51:19

>EMDR is often used in conjunction with regular talk therapy or other modes of therapy like relaxation, medications when needed, etc. It won't cure things like depression or psychosis, but can be used in conjunction with meds so that the issues that seem to weigh a person down and perpetuate the depression can be relieved

EMDR has been helpful to me in therapy to bring things up to the surface so I can look at them in a new light. From my recent experiences with a good therapist I would say that it is important to have EMDR with a therapist who really knows how to work with what is dredged up for a new appraisal. There were some things that were sudden eye openers to me that seemed to release me from a perception of an incident that was formed long ago. I started with things never really processed from my childhood (a long time ago!)and seemed to move toward the present, with some irratic bouncing back and forth. I never really left an EMDR session saying "Wow, well that's all set now", but rather as I look back now I can say that some of those things are not popping into view and guiding how I react as much now. When I think of some of the painful things now I don't stop breathing, intensely focus on them, feel close to tears or go into an alert status. These things have not disappeared from my consciousness, and some of them still interfere with or tinge my perception of daily events. But, some of the things have become more muted. I know this is probably not a great description, but it's the best I can do.

I know I still have a ways to go. MY EMDR sessions fit in as needed. Sometimes I go prepared for one and it turns out that I don't get to it because something comes up and discussion seems to be working. I still get worked up when I know I will have a session. I think I am afraid of what will come up--or that nothing will! But I am fine once it starts and the therapist is great.

TOBY, how am I doing here?? Making sense?? Does it look like I am going somewhere with this?
I need a comment--
The therapist has suggested we do a "positive" EMDR. Most of mine have jumped right into painful stuff. Yesterday in a regular session, she was working on getting me to recognize GOOD attributes in myself. For some reason this is horrendously hard for me. I do see the good part but apparently tend to also bring up a devaluing thought that unbalances it. E.G.--when I was trying to raise 3 kids in the marriage Ifinally left--I look back and feel guilty about howthings were--and that I stayed--and that it will affect my kids and hang over them like a cloud--and that they will end up messed up like me. When asked to ID my good points then I came up with patience--but then I found that I was also thinking I sat back all those years and was not courageous enough to do anything. When I came up with 'determined' I also came up with stubborn.

It is so hard for me to describe myself as very able and someone to look up to. My mind goes blank. But I know it's there. I do well at work and people compliment me all the time. But still my mind goes blank.

What would happen if I started in EMDR with a positive thought or picture? would I (as a fear)dive away from it into the other side? And would that be OK?

Have appt in Sept with new psychiatrist. Will ask about Remeron, weight gain etc. I am OK during the day when busy. But if I am around food especially a night I find that the feeling that I've had enough--that was always there before Remeron--is non-existant! The gain has leveled off but won't go down no matter how much I exercise (walking 3 times week for 5-7 miles at this point and smaller distances in between) and even though I only eat a 1/2 container of yogurt with wheat germ, bran, soy nuggets stirred in for BF and can of slim fast for lunch. UNtil 6PM, other than water that's all I have had since spring. Sleep is good as long as I have NO caffeine, chocolate, alcohol at all--and take a small amount of estradiol for hot flashes. But I still have to push myself to do things and find that outside work and one friend I retreat to my apartment by myself. The dark times have been very limited in the last few months. But I just don't pop up above that flat line. I would like to, but it doesn't seem to happen often. And, I still often move into a sort of agitated, irritable state--usually triggered by not feeling in control, or prepared. And it is hard to get out of it.

I also have all my vacation time saved up since Istarted work last August. I don't seem to be able to vacation. It was denied to me for the last few decades and I am having trouble with it. I am saving it up for something wonderful or special and it's not coming up. And I don't want to "waste it" on just staying home or by myself. Oh well.

I do think EMDR is helping. Like you once said, the changes are easier to see in hindsight. Wish this therapist was not going. Will see her till Sept when I go to new MD and she wants to transition me to a therapist there she thinks would be good for me.

Hope you are still lurking here.
Do you notice any diff in me through my postings since EMDR?




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