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Re: In a dark, dark, dark place. Help!

Posted by Dee on August 24, 1999, at 22:43:45

In reply to Re: In a dark, dark, dark place. Help!, posted by yardena on August 24, 1999, at 20:57:15

> Hey, Dee, How ya doin? Still thinking about you.
I am much better than I was... Sunday was my definitive bottom, and worse than I have had for a long, long time. Last winter I made a mistake of hanging on to ar relationship that was way worse than over just because of the extreme anxiety and panic attack that hit me every time I was about to put an end to it. I allowed myself to be used as a doormat, and in the long run that ended up causing me much more pain than it would, had I put an end to the madness when I first intended to. This was not a healthy relationship, and when I receive that call it kicks up all my shit and everything is as if it never had ended.
I don't know if it is the medicine or the fact that some time has passed, but this is passing much faster than these hits used to... Also I must say that there was a fully new kind of edge to the whole, & I decided I should avoid public places for a cuple of days just in case I couldn't control the impulses... Way far from serenity.
Also, I made a kind of strange observation: When I was asked if it had been this bad before, the answer is I think so, but I cannot say. Once the attack is passed I don't really remember what if felt like... I find this a little strange considering that at times I've been occupied 100% for weeks by them. Does anyone relate?
Again, I can not thank all of you enough for the kind words and encouragement... Sometimes I think that maybe the amount of pain is constant and we just take turns carrying it, just so that I can take a break from that meaningless question 'why me?'. And it would make this load so much easier to carry to know that I am making it just maybe a little better for one of some wonderful people.




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