Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: One more comment

Posted by Judy on July 10, 1999, at 12:26:56

In reply to ajar, posted by Racer on July 10, 1999, at 11:24:40

> The best part of this is that I didn't realize quite how profoundly trapped I felt. Now that the door has been unlocked and left a bit ajar, I realize that I can see a means of escape that doesn't involve losing the joys I know I can find in life. Acepromazine can be a wonderful thing, it can allow me safely to medicate my horse when she injures herself. It can allow me to handwalk injured racehorses who are popping their buttons. But it really isn't the answer to my problems when applied internally. It was never that I wanted to die, I just desperately needed relief from the pain I have been feeling, and, even more desperately, needed to be able to see some reason to go on another day. Those things were missing. Now, even if I haven't figured out why I should go on living in general, at least I have something to look forward to: finding out if the current cocktail will bring EUTHYMIA. (That and sewing a lime green dress. I'm in love with the fabric, and while it may be nuts or pathological, there's no better feeling than seeing a newly sewn seam as you press it flat... Uh-oh. I'm waxing eloquent about seams. Is that a bad sign?)


I'm sure you're sick of seeing my name here, so I'll be brief. Re: feeling good about the thought of a newly sewn/pressed seam. I just wanted to remind all of us that "normal" people take for granted the smaller pleasures in life - alas, so do we depressed people when we're feeling better. Your 'seam' comment made me recall myself standing at my bathroom sink several weeks ago, right after my AD had started to kick in, and I actually spent a moment admiring the lovely purple color of my Oral-B toothbrush! (A couple of weeks before that, I didn't even care if I had teeth, much less brushed them!)

Sounds absolutely ludicrous, but I want to try to keep your seam and my toothbrush in mind when I get a little cocky and forget from whence I've come!




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